i am so stupid ..........

keep worry bout her why never online and never reply it is happen any thing d....... hai ................ but the true is people already when singapore with friend and drink drunk happy there .
feel much better d.......... at least i know i am really stupid and wasting time only give up

i cant stop my self thinking of her..................

just now i look at her facebook photo , in there i see her wearing spectacle . do look different , i must admit that she do grow up d........... and i also have to grow up as well . i always want her become the 1 that i know , thinking back i feel my self is so silly and childish .

i do feel , not use to it without her sms and voice around me, but i think she without me will feel much lighter and freedom . i feel sorry to her , because the relationship will become like now i also have to take half of the responsibly . i never really put my self into her shoe , after so many year only i know she not so happy to the current family only. after she told me some thing keep happen on her family my heart do feel very pain ,but that moment i also feel my self so useless why do i tolerant her and listen the word come from her heart and give a tight hug .

but i cant , i always not around her the 1 she can find to share out the feeling is those classmate . and they theory is Let's go club after drink some alcoholic drink or get drunk will feel much better .!!!!!! it is , feel much better ? after drunk ? vomit ,headache even hang over till dont remember any thing bout last night really can solve the problem mem ?

what i can do is call her , try to cheer her up . but most of the time i fail to do so because most the time she will using her tear to end the conversation. i feel much better after taiping out all this .

miss her but scare hurt her again and again vice versa not crying d, but soon will have to end this before the tear flow out .

am i very cruel ?....................

i hope so, than my tear wont drop any more.

now day, really every thing i also will link to her ,
from elantra car till my living room sofa ,
all also can link ,
the most gao li 1......,
is my mother , keep on asking how are she r ,
she this she that ,
that moment my tear almost fall again,
luck i walk away d, if not another rain fall will come .

a week later , i also dont what will really happen .

pray day1

i still crying !_! .................... i just make a deal with god , i ask it is god want me to learn some thing in this ?
than i make the most pain prayer , i say if god think she is my ms right please do keep her niver and build up her nicely and return to me un the future , but if she not my ms right please god take away and please do cure my heart and stop my tear and bleeding ...............................

i dont what to do any more , just waiting for god answer i belief father will make the best choice for me .............................

within this week i will keep praying till i get the answer , this time i want my every single drop of tear is meaningful ............ i cant share to to any body d........... i scare i become crazy , that why i write down all in my mind here good for me to read back next time with other point of looking !

f o r g e t me ....................?????

this week i try to pray hardly, i dont want keep on happen the same thing d.........
i know when the first time she ask for break , she do mean that d.........just my self cant accept it only.

now dont care how many tear i drop no 1 will border any more , first her parent not really like me than we date have to date till like underground relationship . i feel sad , currently i know if i just together with her back not 1 week later sure will break again , because i know some thing is when wrong d........ i dont what that .?? she change d or what i dont know???

but now i try my best to release my hand , let god be the final decider for me d................ i dont want keep thinking of her and cant do any thing , it will just make her feel sad and hate me more and more only ........................

now day , i feel that my tear is so cheap . till i listen to some the song that she love my tear will start fulfill or can say almost every thing i also can link to her , because till how also 4 yr relationship even though is never meet 365days per yr but when study time we do really meet most the time always pass the sweet time together .

but after she when to study d, all thing change ........... i know every should grow up and go forward as well i cant still want her become the bebe i know . now i dont really belief any body d........ all the promise for me is meaningless because most of the promise is cant become true 1...........

cry and cry and still cry ............. ya do make me feel much better d................ please god !!!! carry my hand go though this together with me . i want the blessing like my brother in the end .they do married in the name of GOD .i dont want because i fell bored than do "wrong thing " that type of married !!!!!!!!! na............. i dont care d la................ i just pray only la.........
i want answer 1 ah.................... thank you god

sad .......................................

6 month d, is enough d.......... i get scold from sister d...................... she say have to end it d............. dont waste the time any more ......................... after today tear i dont want sad tear any more

happy ??? not really !!!!!!!

what type of name is that ??? fucking power

it is feel better to chat during drunk ???

i hope it is a real gun can , just shot me down !!!!!

so fast the cup empty d....... but still feel not thing waste my money only...

i dont really understand , go to club really can gain happiness ? i dont give a fuck to this theory.

all busted already half drunk of act drunk , start doing some thing silly but still ??? those place is always full . really so nice mem???? may be i haven get the best part yet ...........

really feel sad for those people have to paid for their happiness !! come on la.......
drunk wont settle thing , and it may also create more problem

??confuse

i am over worry d.........

i dont want to waste my time d............ i feel tired d........ hai feel very bored ............... keep doing the thing that just make other poeple feel unhappy only i dont want do any more thing d,..........


hai................... tired ................... i dont 1 because of her mood down any more

just finish flight test.........................

hahahahaha yipee yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, finally i get my ppl la.................. i got gold bar d.

but now my skin colour , almost like Indian d............... because fly every day and today get sun burn . lucky is i pass the test and my house go a mask that last time my dear brought for me now i put it on i really can feel the cool feeling so nice ............... but the hand still feel pain because really sun burn d.............

how good if now i having a air conditional at my room , tired than just close my eye and sleep . now at least i finish another duty d........... i try me best to pass my test another step forward to my graduation d..............

now left the relationship problem only , cant forget bout her . her image and memory always pops out in my mind ................. dont care is happy or sad 1..... it always there the memory i think wont erase like that only hoping ??????? better not d.......... i scare d................ better just wait for the time to cure me............. i really dont dare to say together back i very very scare get the "scary answer" .

feel happy sad worry and the skin damn pain

feel complicated to my self...........................

i know my self , but i dont her any more d........ what i hoping is just like i always say just a dream that hardly come true ....................... hai.......... hard 1 la........... distance and now start dont belief each other d..... how can the relationship to be carry on if she dont trust my any more ??

now also like that d, if i work worst thing will happen la........ fly over sea only i have to report my self where la what i doing la........... confident a bit la............. when i do some thing stupid that ?? what i did that hurt you and make you feel so uncomfortable la.....................

for me i get emotional easily , and for her i think she really think i will call her parent and tell some thing stupid , come on la........ she really think i will make the call !!!! so silly , i say that is just make her wake !! especially when she in high and drunk ........... that is i dont like to hear the voice like that , after i say i call only she will wake up and alert on the spot lo........


feel sad when facing her have to act happy .................... become clown like that always have a smilling face but the tear is always inside the mask

finish flying........................

today the whole day , i keep looking at the phone see got message come anot finally non message come . i feel much better d......... :( clean up my mind......... i know no chance d........... just stay focus on my exam d........... friend ? non make sense for me ! feel hard feeling only ............. now plan to just care her inside my heart only ............................ i wont do any thing d.........
i call her only for sure she will cry , better i just silent my self .

i dont want her because of me this silly small gas guy unhappy any more , i rather take all the pain by my own d..........

i cant belief that my car , proton can go that fast . surprise me that just now i can cruise at 160km/hr . i think the car can go faster than that but i feel scare when i notice i already pass 150km/hr lucky non thing happen to me , and along the way i cross 3 red light because stupid light without sense i dont feel like waiting d....... just press the oil speed up, during that when i over take 1 car by maintaining 150km/hr than i saw a police petrol car beside me. at that moment i feel shit d...... sure will come after me d....... but my mood down till dont care d... i just press harder and increase the speed to 160 i think the police also lazy to chase me d la..... because late d... 3am d ma..........


after that i feel tired and much better d..........
dont try this on the road is danger

love is just like fire.............................

why i say so?

because is true ! love really like fire ,

a good love can support you , like a fire that can keep you warm,

but ,

a bad love can kill you , just like a wild fire and burn and destroy every thing ,

in the world no love is prefect , just like fire you cant really change the shape of it ,

sweet,

love can be sweet , it also can be like fire if you not careful will may get hurt,

combination,

love =sacrifice + care , fire = air + fuel without the air fire wont appear

no scrifice there is no love inside

since what i do is meaning lesss...................

i choose to release d, even thought feel hard and sad . but i think if i being like a trouble maker keep creating trouble i think she will feel more sad only.

and if i keep dragging her is no point also , my love and care wont follow the Tran 1....... that is not such thing that call whole sale love......... till i can feel i am so fucking cheap till almost can tolerate every thing d.......

just feel that she leaving like that , actually good for me d, because at least she try to make some stupid excuse to cover the true . any thing la ? just feel sad and mood down . i hope after my flight test i will feel much better and i think i will start take out all the picture that on my wall it just make me feel sad and uncomfortable d....... the function of the photo change d...... last time when study dont care how stress i am when thinking of my family and her and the future life i walk thought all the hard part d....... but now :( the photo do bring me some happy but less and less d...... because all the photo that take is last last time 1.......

all the latest photo all can even wash out 1....... sensitive an i dont even will post it out . but last Saturdays i do feel enjoy when together wit her . but every time is like that after feeding me the sweet sugar the hardness and bitter drug will come and when it come my whole body is effected till cant really run my normal life . now day i try to act i am fine , but i know i not !! because still bleeding inside hope the time wash out my blood and cure my wound soon . and stop hoping can hug her tightly feel the body warm any more d.....



cry wont help me this time , so choose to go speeding now......................

i dont know what to say d.............

i try everything solve or find out , but in the end i feel not thing changer . maybe i need a long vacation for me to cry up all my this year tear . because i dont want next year same like this year .



i really dont know why we break? because i call the friend ?

hai.......... current complicated situation just make me suffer suffer and suffer because i dont what t call her any more ? just now see the picture i take with her at my house and that is the last time i meet her my father birthday .



after kiss good bye the day after we break ~!!!!! i dont what is happening , why i cant even feel some thing when wrong during that .



may be i just busy with doing other thing and left out the signal d.......... break without notice any thing just like hit by the sunami wave is so scary for me!! i face it on july now dec

i dont what crying now as long comfortable and no harm is ok for me to cry rather than speeding on the road or air d.......

the thinking during flying..........

just now when i fly , i start the engine after buzy with the check . i moody till forget to on the fuel selected then for sure the engine shut down on the spot . i cant imaging that if during take off this type of thing happen i think today will be the last flight d la.......... because for sure will crash on the runway d............. still i have to continue the training i relight te engine and request taxy yo holding point B . than during that the tower hold me at the holding point due to 3 airliner coming to land. ok i also hold at there may be not thing to do, i start thinking of her . i feel very sorry to her , actually yesterday i call her is to let her know that even how also you can always call and come back to me i will be your support but in the end i screw it up. i hate y self , i always say dont want to care her any more but i cant really do it i dont know why i just cant release her .after thinking that my tear almost fall down d....... because i feel so stress the exam is on wednesday. for me i really cant help her much d... who am i ? what can i do ? what can i do can make the family better ?

last time i always scold her , when she go clubbing if not scold i also will feel unhappy ! because i know that place all is fake no real love or what people go there may be lonely and wish some 1 company her for a night after " exercise" can dont even remember each other any more . but i feel very sorry that , i never put my self on her shoes........ i never get her pain and stress too...... now , only i know why love shopping so much , first is can company the mother as well 2 is can spent more the father money and try to get the attention of the father . sad case , i not beside her all the time what she having now i dont say is bad friend , just they thinking and moral value is different because she got 1 friend already stay together with the boyfriend as well . dont be silly to think that they never having sex during this period of time la..........may be for normal people is ok what they are couple what stay together , sure can having sex la.... what wrong with you ? so out 1 ah....... but just my thinking is if my daughter staying with other guy just like that . i dont know what reaction i will have d....

i afraid that she will become bad and la la mui......... what also never mind , clubbing every night drunk and try to get happiness from that type of place . worst come to worst i night stand also never mind =_= as long feel happy than enough d........ even just a day of happy . i dont want an angel become the dark angel. my heart is pain an worry , i always pray and cry i please god dont dont dont make her become that . i know when she starting the clubbing life her life is gone d......... because it just like linking issue . first for sure she will start lie to parent ,2 may start smoking ,3 drunk , 4 the 1 i most worry having sex during drunk than the guy didn't wear condom and she get pregnant and then the guy ignore her and leave it alone . i dont dare to think any more . i crying d............... !_! i dont want to see her become like that . is really sad that , go clubbing to find happiness ad replace the love that left out.


i feel sad , when she crying to protect her mother . i know the family sure got some history behing it . but i dont know what is that just feel that why they doing this to her ? to her family ? i feel hopeless and helpless that time . because she tell me they are christian ???? what that is so so so wrong ???????? why they want to do this ?? why i reallycan feel the pain as well , so that why my tear flowing out . i not dare to tell her i do really care bout her ,even thought i always scold her this and that............ i feel sad to scold her ....... after scold her my self cant sleep .......... but i really never put my self to her shoe that why i will get angry so fast , but now i know abit abit bout her d... i feel last time i really too over d.... she is sad d..... i not giving support but scloding some more . i know scolding is meaning less d...... now just pray god do some thing to the family .


i am so shame being with her 4 year d, now only i feel and know her family problem ya..... may be people will say non of your business what >?? but for me i will do and try every single energy to protect the 1 i love . worst come to worst i dont care d........ i dont care the parent issue d..... i just want her and my family wont happen this type of thing because i know the feeling very well . i am her can say except sex different most of the thing that go thought is same just some i dont know only . her family just like mine last time family. not suitable to talk here . every 1 have they problem and they also must have some 1 to share out . dont care la....... he can help or not at least you will feel much better Rather than cry and screaming to the sea......



thank god again for bring and giving me 1 more chance a life . because my aircraft never after take off only shut down . if that happen good luck for me la................

good morning !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

early morning , the mood start swinging i really dont know think i have the power that can make some one cry ? because for me i rely dont know what she thinking ???? ask for break is her choice always regret after making the decision !! i am tired for those d, got problem than ask for break dont even want or try to work it out together . i know when she do some thing silly i do become very fierce , i will really scold and tell my feeling . i think if continue also wont have any good ending d.... why not i just forget bout her d..........


why i just cant do that , press a button and delete all her memory that inside my brain . the turn around is so big till i cant imaging and the excuse that given is not make sense , i still thinking that which friend i call to and make her so angry ?? but i dont even have her friend number , i feel hurt when she suspect me say that i checking her phone detail !!!!!! howcan sh do this to me ? u say u care and love me but u another second you suspect me and dont trust me any more ?? what that ?? i dont get it ??. where is the love and care that always mention ??? where any 1 can tell how to love ??

non stop thinking .........

2pm , i write this during my flight briefing . so fast 4pm d..... during briefing i ant even concentrate on it. my mind i know is already far far away from my body as well.

but Monday having flight test, for now my current mood and performance i think is really danger and hard for me to focus on the test d...... the tear level is keep fulfilling . it sound like will flow it out any time . but i cant , because in the class the feeling is really hard to express !!! is really sad and lost till no a suitable word can describe .

i been moody for the whole day, speak less and moody till my friend also ask me any thing happen ? i know is abnormal if i am speak less . i really dont why for what reason i still keeping her on my mind ? i really dont know what she is thinking ? for me she should feel happy what because break as her wish d..... but she is another way round she feel unhappy and crying !!!!!!! what she want ? can she call me and tell me that she love with other guy and very sorry for me i think i will fell much better after hearing that !!! at least that time i can really just focus angry her and dont think and hope the relationship will be better d.... at last i know not my problem and my fault .


i just dont know how can she do this to me ? always tell other miss and love me!!!!!!!!! but another way round will ask break and separate with me??? and keep doing the thing i dont like and keep hurting me........................................................ i dont like mean i dont like dont try to quarrel and change me . i dont like clubbing mean dont like , i not dont like is i hate clubbing i hate those bring her in also i wont even talk to them any more . because for me she is so silly and can say stupid easily belief on other people. she think drunk will feel better like the drama . dont be stupid la all is drama in the real life day after the fuxx thing stil at there waiting for you .



i will say that , is because she tell me she try to run away from the house before ? for me is what the hell are you thinking??? you think u can survive ? and that time she say she feel want to die , seriously angry and pis off to the max when i hear that my heart is so pain and worry . if i beside her may be i will really give her a big slap or throw her into the pool to make her cool down than only i will hug and talk .

i always dont like she ding this and that got my reason , my cousin is 16age only become mother d..... because she run away with some guys . giving free sex to survive now till dont who is the father of the baby and also dont dare to go to hospital . what wrong with this world d????????
i dont feel shame to share , at least i hope those reads this please do protect your self as well if having sex please do wearing condom the baby is innocent.

what she want ?????????

she want break but , still say love me ? i dont get her lo. sad to having this type of gf dont want she want always use word hurting me without notice.

she say love me ?but she will never show it to me ? how much she love and care !? i really want o leave her alone ? sh really want i do that to her ? i dont care and border her any more i think she will feel more freedom because some time my care and worry is over and she dont really accept it !! that why the quarrel happen .................

i still dont why , what really happen ? if i really call her friend it is wrong ? because the way she asking me is piss me off !!!! she say i overlook and check her phone detail ? what the hell for what reason i do that ? if want break just say break la....... til now i dont even receive my birthday present after a month ago.................................................. that the way she always say love and fair to me....................

she say i can hate her slap her , ya i hope i can say the same silly thing to her . i hope i can really do it . i dont know that if you love some 1 you willing to use word to hurting her ? you willing to release it ?leave it alone ?

if i really angry d..... i think i wont even even talk or meet her d............

waste..............i am not doll...........................

i feel i am so stupid , always hope changer ! i always cry and beg for not thing only . i skip meal collect money just to buy the nintendo ds than dy after she ask for break d.......................

that moment my heart was bleeding , till i cant even stop the blood flowing d.......................... i told i can playing the some game together with her like other couple. btshe choose to play alone without me !_! i feel upset .

she evert time call me to belief her , belief her . how i going to belief her d..................... she is doing non thing just shopping and drinking with friend ................... i dont see any thing she trying to changefor me, hoing just make me crazy ................

by the time go back kuantan , i have to paid back my mother the money d.......... this dec i had spent alot of money d.......... but i feel up set for that . i even think what to buy for "j...mummy and daddy d...." but now break again like last time .

i dont what is going on at all.......................... i really cry till i hate my self d............. being so cheap till always offer my self to overcome her...... for what people wont appeciate d.... la........
stop crying la......... wei stop crying a.............. what the fuck now the tear is droping drop by drop again ........................

what is going on la................ why this have to keep on happen to me >?? i just a ordinary boy lo...... it is not good feeling at all to love the 1 that not loving you any more ......
she will never understand me.........


i pity for her mother case , but why she must mix her mother case together with me ?? is not fair at all ........ fuck la...... tear keep fulfilling dont want to say d la.................

discover the deeeper part ..........................

tonight i finally discover the deeper part d ......... i hope our relationship will be better day by day .......

i will never never forget tonight , my father birthday and i discover her heart as well................ tonight finally i feel i am her boyfriend as well. she is so sweet to me , i can feel and get her body temperature is so warm ........ but after this i will think when is the next time can meet up again le? i know sure wont be that soon d........

just like usual , my life like roller coaster keep on up down up down !!!!!!!!!! i really love her , till i every thing i also can connect her to the topic. just a normal conversation with my friend suddenly i will talk bout her d....... i know my self and status , we are come from a very different family background . but now i dont border any more d, if i keep thinking the status and class between me and her it will just extent my pain and unhappiness only .

i really cant see the future of us, because is really a gap between me and her . i know it will never end 1..... because you grow up at that environment and use to it d...... that mean future the same you will expect happen and just the same like now.

now already 330am d eye want close d.......... good night

friend ???

i think is a good time to let me see cleanly who is my friend , and who is not . for those fucker ......... when i here than will say why never meet out , by thetime i call no 1 out , but other people call all present. wht the fuck la...............


piss off to the max ........... dont feel want to talk to them any more ..........................................

raining day.....................................

raining day again, it just make me feel moody and tired. for last night is really regret the max......... feel damn left out . even at my home , i feel damn sick to this home d....... when i come back i dont even have my own private room any more . the feeling is really bad .
told last night will be a happy and enjoying night but in the end still the same ending........ quarrel to end the conversation..................

now day even a very small thing can make me feel very uncomfortable, i have the strong feeling that the third will come d.......... i dont know when but i just feel it, because the way she treating me is totally different d........ i feel left out i feel sad always have this type of thing happen to me........

drunk !!!!!!! i really hope yesterday i can get drunk till cant even open my eye totally hang over , because that i think i will feel better at least no quarrel. i just dont what she is thinking , the mouth say this but doing is always the opposite way 1 .............. say can company till any time , but when some of them going back she also say so, dont tell bullshit la....... dont want go back will wearing shoes d.... than reach junction only say i really can company you 1 , just u dont want and now almost reach my house d......... this and that............. ya her time is more expensive 1 ma....... more higher class 1 compare to mine . i can wait her from 6 to 10 but she cant even give me a happy 2hours . in the end must screw it out..........................


i dont think today she dare to contact me any more, for her always got her own theory. every thing she did is right i do always is wrong . she say working fair enough , but just dont always fulfill the empty hope for me it will make me hate rather than love d................. crying and begging my forgiveness all time what not dont do some thing that up set me ???? after all the tear flowing , the next moment the same thing can happen again !!!


feel stress having this type of relationship , full of untruest and not confident plus tons of unhappiness just hope she can end my heart hardly till i dont even want to talk to her any more i think is better than like now killing me softly.............................


tear fulfiling heart breaking and moody

i really angry and sad ..............................

today i purposely come back kuantan , just to meet her than she give me shit again .
at first say will go out with me , the whole night is me than , 10 o clock only can go out , i wait her from 8 to 10pm . than i dont want go clubbing , i go buy all the alcoholic drink party at my house.
now i have to keep all thing my self . fucking regret doing that . the most unhappy thing is she dont even appreciate it and dont even take photo with me . i dont what she thinking is want separate just separate d......... i enough for that d.............

after the party over every 1 going home , than she also say want go home .
ok fair enought out with friend can out till 2 3 am but me 1 am also not yet than keep say want to go back d......... still hope can have some sweet time with her hugging and talk some sweet talk but ............ fuck it la........ she so buzy ok la....... i dont hope any more la ............ is enough for me la............


take photo with other can so happy but with me only , not even want to take what the fuck ......... if i really want to take her photo so what it is my fault to take my girlfriend photo ???? ya maybe not my girlfriend la............

really dont who am i now.............. just feel up set after doing all the thing , than get that type of reaction i dont what to say ......... just feel say sunday morning have to go to kl d..........
no mood d0............. always say fair to me fucking bullshit only ............
every time just hurt and hurt me only .............................

suck i feel i am suck doing all type of thing hope she happy but screw it up in the end also

just come back from flight EMO D.................

dont why i feel moody moody ? may be view blog . hai................... bored , wish now got some 1 give me a hug i think i will feel much better .

i feel i am so failure , because i been staying at johor for mre than 1 year d.......... but i dont even have some johor friend what the fuxx right ? not make sence at all............not only me , most of my schoolmate they al facing the same problem . it is must go clubbing ? than only can meet some friend ? i dont know ? but now day i willingto try it d........

since i am so fuxxxxx free , i think i will start plan for my vacation and clubbing life la...... i think is more easy to meet some 1 they rather than stay at home ......... i feel very lonely, can call me mr lonely d......... i dont get the different that having relationship or annot any more ?!!! because curentlly i feel is just the same, i still celebrate valentine ,birthday, christmas ,new year my self .
hai why people dating till so sweet even thought is distance but still so sweet but my 1 is like totally different lo.....


some time in my mind , i will keep thinking that did she hiding from me?? i dont know , i just know she is happy with what she are now ! for me i dont border any more d........ she say parent dont want her date fair enought , but now she "still" can say having relationship with me ........ mean that she always lie to the parent ??? the other way i will think , if she can easily hide and lie to parent why not me >>>???? who am i oh? an ordinary guy that spent the lesser time than normal friend !!!!



for yesterday she call me, after half and hour we since not thing to talk d...... than she say she feel tired want to sleep d, but i am sure after end call only she will on the pc and facebook till midnight ......... i dont know it is true ? but i guess so ............


the bigger for me not the parent is her mind , i dont what the fxxxx she is thinking ? current like not thing happen but for me it feel more scary than separate , because the feeling and the way she talk to me feel like not thing to say d... bored d... just like the third S.......... WAVE will strike me any moment soon.......


i am really losssssssssssssssss confident d....................... hiding , lie , igore , misunderstand ect thoose problem make me lost confident day by day ...............

.........................................

i never see her smile for quit some time d, she is busy with her shopping i am busy with the study . even have chance to meet up also hardly see her smile, like she together with her friend photo any more.


i do see that type of smile before , but that all is past time d........... now i wont do more then the limitation that i can do any more , i dont even want to try any more d........ i am tired of baning and rejected d......

i am lazy to think and ask why why why any more ?
just do what even thing that feel comfortable d...............
now day maybe i got too much free time , to let me think why ? but after this i am lazy to asking why d.... because i know the answer as well "DONT KNOW OR NOT THING"


for me after hear those ans , it will re burn the fire of my heart . not point that how much care and love been given there is meaningless d....... the feeling when wrong since july .
the feeling graft just like roller coaster 1 day good few day bad .

for me , i belief that when i start on the line working ,i will have more freedom . now just hope graduate as soon as possible, i am tired for the standby and waiting for pocket money d......
want buy some thing also hard , always skip this meal skip that meal for collect money . hai .......... damn jealous for those rich classmate , in they life i dont see they really understand the value on money . because the first car they having already more 100k d........


any way la, i want my future life is full of joy and having all those material item ............... maybe now i dont earn in my own so i dont feel the happiness of having some thing . the feeling and reaction for the thing that you love and you buy it on your own is totally different from people giving it , because usual the thing that get easily people wont APPRECIATE it .

that also is why i dont want to do much d........................... i have done my pary as well .
time and distance all those excuse i feel bored of it d........




current feeling fucxxxxxx tired and mood swing becasue after 3and the half hour flying

as usual ........... after quarrel non thing was change

so time i feel damn left out , because 2009 this year i think for me is almost blank . now i know why that day she calll me dont go find her , because they already plan for going club .................
any thing la non of my business as well . Joonee June wroteat 11:26pm on November 16th, 2009
yala.. cat sis wor..so show ur power tmr niteat LIBRARY..haha!!!!!!!


finish my study , than find job when that time get job i think i wont be so bored d.......... today this country tomorrow another country can meet all friend around the world . i dont care d......... what i had to say i d say , what i hope i also say d....... since nothing happen also i also dont care so much d...........


now what i hope is more realistic i want graduate on good performance and as soon as possible , that time i think i can get what i want d.......

sometime i hope she never become prettty , and change like now!

i think maybe she change pretty d , the mind also change d ...... because she does tell me got many people date her d... maybe because of that she dont really mind what happen to me d. i want to know what is happening ?

every time , we chat thought phone i also feel sad because in the conversation i feel the changing on her d.... i want to know what really happen d? i want to know why ?

on her last few post , she say
i hate myself for temporary ..
i will b back myself after my birthday ....
dun ask y..4 let me be whatever this week (good or bad ) dont care me
is a punishment for me , which always do thing without using brain
will let u know y i do tat later ....
dunno is that too late d...



but after her birthday , i call her ask her few time what is that . and it is got any thing want to tell me ??? hai my hope is gone again !!!!!!!!


she never say any thing bout that , just like what she always does NATO (no action talk only ) but her is best can erase it

why she can say break till so easy 1???

she always say she do love me ,care and want to be fair to me but .......... what she have done to me ??? she say she dont want post my photo together with her is afraid of the father knowing , than i ask her your parent so care and teaching you so well dont allow you to do this and that but why they allow you go clubbing ???

all is no make sense at all , they photo close with other guy can post but my 1 not even 1 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the feeling is i really no exist in the life like that , i bring shame to her it is ? i dont why so hard to to the small small thing to make me happy mem???? i really dont understand lo, now outside is raining just like what i doing now (!_!) . i cry is because i really fall in love to her the last time joo nee not the 1 i know latest , i feel so different where is my dear joo nee where is my be be ?

now listen the song name Lonely Christmas i cant stop my tear falling down any more .

i really feel i am very stupid , why i still in love with the 1 no in love with me any more ?????

what the hell now the next song playing name "sa gua" stupid guy why la, all so gam come together ? i dont know it is mean that call release my hand d..........

4 year realationship so what ? a girl want change 4 day can change d..............

i always hope her prove that she still in love with me lo? i dont want just listen only lo, she say send very love me now that later can ask for break 1 !!!!!!!!!!!!! i really dont know how to over come the feeling as well.........

i dont her father really got so many time to on facebook to check her update and photo anot ? if realy got i dont see ant thing happen to her also ? the clubbing photo wont be worst than the photo normal take with me mem????? parent parent parent i just feel she got many many thing hiding away from me ask her she will never never tell me i dont know why ?

i do tag some picture for her , i feel so upsad she remove the tag . that moment i really angry d. because she keep post photo with other just not me . what she mean ? want separate d it is starting to remove my thing from her d???????? !_!

why :(

i feel worry scare and uncomfortable, last night i cant sleep the whole night . i try to call her , i just would like to ask for a favour can she make some changer for me ? where is the love ? where is the love ? where is the love ? that last time she giving me ! why she take all those care and love , she always say she never change and always say she still in love with me . but why she use hurt to love me ?


it is tell the parent d , sure will have a big quarrel happen ? can she just do some thing to make me happy ? example can at least can post some my photo , call me chat chat , the most i hoping is she dare to ask the mother . but that is what i always say hoping for me is just hoping , it wont come to real .


i think this year my tear credit is almost finish d, always use middle of the night it is worth it ?
i always think that i leave her wont make any different , because i always no beside her , there got a Chinese idiom " close water balcony , will get the moon first " i mean those guy want date her at kl . i losing confident is may be she really silly , she cant feel the guy want date her that why she go out alone with him .


sometime i really feel want to ask the permission from the mother , because what she tell me i not very confident on it . of the mother say cant continue ok lo.......... since is like that i quit lo....... she git so MANY people DATE why still stick with me the 1 that always bring tons and tons of unhappiness to her ?


i just feel sad , when see those picture that last time we take , because the first day i come here i d stick all the sweet photo on the wall i hope those picture will give me so support to continue my study and over come the stress but now day those photo will make me feel more sad . because all is last last year photo !!!! why this year so BLANK ? but for her still very happening clubbing photo , beach photo , ext.

why after a incident , she can treat nothing happen . sudden treat me so good sudden can just throw me a side .

i dont what she want , can sudden treat me nice so care bout me . can so worry about me , but after a while she can leave me there alone .


i dont what she want , she will never tell me any thing bout the family even bout her . i so confuse what she want ????

separate ??? but together also she like change d?? i feel very hurt lo, i keep love her but if she never appreciate it ....... if this continue happen to me i think i will start giving up d...... :( tear is fulfilling d.................


i dont want to know any thing d......................

i am confuse what she want

yesterday she say will give me a call after every thing , i wait her call from 11 till 2 30 only she call me . that i also feel ok but when sh call me that time the voice is high and drunk feeling what the ............ and the conversation just last for 7 min i wait more than 3 hr she return me a blur and short conversation.

she got time to on the stupid laptop to post the f........ post but got not time to give me a call.i feel my self was so chep till can , be take and throw it any time .


i want to leave d.......... i want make my self clean , did she really still love me or just feel bored .
i am tired of doing stupid thing d....... sleep

mood down again

yesterday i was so happy , think wan to go to kl and celebrate birthday with her to recall some of the sweet memory inside her heart.

first i call my kl friend ask for place to stay , 2 i call my kl friend that study together to me wait for me to come back together on 17/11 midnight , than early the morning i go to school try to cancel my flight for 18/17 , and i even message some of her friend try to get into the plan to surprise her when every thing was done .

at first i want to forget bout the yesterday message , continue my plan but today morning the message from her is even hurt . i feel that is i open up my heart to her but she just use a knife stab on it . so hurt , i cant stop my tear is this morning . i feel so sad why every time also like that , she always say how miss how love me but always what she do is totally opposite what she say.

when she tell me she got many people date her , sound so proud and hurt as well . she say
(if i tell you no 1 date me you will believe ma???) for sure got people date me la........ that moment i was speechless dont what reaction i should give her d...... HAPPY ?? i should feel happy got people date her and she accept the treatment as well , i dont la...... she say she dont know the guy want date her . seriously i hate for those lame excuse , hurt the feeling just cut by knife by her own hand.

when i read that post that she when out with those guy , i do angry and pis because they do look like a couple . the most i unhappy is she make up time still have to take photo . dress till so beautiful go out with a normal friend . ya ............... on the spot , my mood was down feel so sad why she do those thing to me ? that day she even call me say she when out with him , what is inside her mind la???? what time of reaction she aspect me to give ??? another way round , i go out with a girl just both of us only movie dinner supper and take photo that show sweetness .

what if i really give up to holding this relationship d.... do her will feel sad ?

every time she will do those thing i dont like , i dont did she realise i not happy anot ?

this year is the year of tear , i never cry for so many time and i never cry for a girl as well .

but for 4 year relationship d.......... if i end this , i am sure no even can become friend d... is too awkward for me .

i dont what is happening , she got what stress ??? a girl that having every thing , shopping almost every day . she alwasy say want to be fair with me but all the promise is just promise never even come true . parent problem it is? ok i hope can end this soon .

her father will do this to me ??? i hope so atleast i feel better than live like a rat relationship???

HOT PANTS

now day , many girl start wearing the hot and short pants !!! because of the influence of those artist as lady ga ga , Britney Spears,Hilary Duff ,Jessica Simpson ext.

at first , Hot pants were very popular in the early 1970s. During this time the Philadelphia Phillies baseball team created a unit of usherettes called the Hot Pants .Matters are further complicated by the fact that "shorts" in American English can refer to underwear.

after packing and revolution the short pants become so common ,a underwear that can be wear as outerwear . i feel curious bout 1 thing ? did it feel comfortable ? since it so small and tight?

when people seeing on you that time what do you feel ? proud ? because i have a beautiful leg !!

due to the demanding of the market , the pant become shorter and shorter thinner and thinner just to show off that how sexy you are and how beautiful you leg hehehehe. but for those does not have a pair long beautiful leg HOW ??? dont worry because it is so common d... the designer already desigh for those short . after wearing it will look nice and taller .

does it really look sexy ? yes it does and slutting but i think this the aim for wearing it to show >>>>

just what i think only

now da

any 1 TELL ME WHY ??????

i deserve do be like that ? always just can communicate with text??



did she really so busy ?



did i bring shame to her ?



is that she really so far from me ?





i do feel sad when she lie or i just feel she lie to me !!!





we got too many misunderstanding d, because only way of communicate is texting , inside the text there is no tone , no feeling , no volume , at because of that many misunderstood had form.



now day , i feel left out maybe if i dont care bout her some much i may feel better , but my brain will just automatically think bout her this and that .

i just want to know that actually , do her still in love with me ?

if yes , why she will keep doing some thing that will hurt me as well !!????
actually i still cant figure it out why july she will ask for break
and two week later continue back ??? i do try to ask her why ? but what she telling me is very silly because of parent problem this type of excuse i dont should i believe it or not ? but if really because of that why now continue back??? did her parent ok for it d??? i dont think so !!!!!!

but in my mind , that time she may find some 1 else .after trying the new 1 feel cant make it . then she return to me !!! after that incident i do afraid of her d .......... because if the true is really like that !!! mean that she is totally change to some 1 that a dont know d...... what to do ? since she got so many GOOD FRIEND what , after study the cosmetic course , she slowly become a material girl d.....

we try to speak on the phone , that what she promise me will give me a call , but in the end i screw it up because 11 some thing only she tell me that she is on the way home , fine i wait but after that she say want take shower fine i wait ,finally 1 some thing in the midnight my phone ring , but it does not hold long just less than 6sec than she end the call .
i dont know la..... if you calling the 1 that you always say love miss care . did you will just call once and wait for 6sec only ????? since 8pm till 1am how long the time is 18000 sec that i wait is wasted . and this happen twist continually for two day .that why now i not really confident on her promise , maybe her promise on other will come true i dont know but for me definitely is a NO.

i dont what is happen to her family ??? because she will not share with till the day i dead i think . for outside people look is a well rich family i dont what think that can be a FLASH POINT to start the quarrel ?
but any way , for me i just think that her parent want her to date some 1 that same background with her as well !! i dont know ? and i will never know ?


sorry for those reading my blog , it will just bring unhappy rarely find happiness here , because i will start reading blog is because separate time i feel hard and not feeling good to share with friend so what i do is type what ever thing inside my mind just to make my self feel better . it is better than me go do some thing stupid will risk other and my life thank you for you support.

confuse

guess WHA?T

for sure yesterday she wear short pant or skirt and some top like that .

may be now day girl is use to wearing that all time . but does it mean the shortest the beautiful ?

hehehe of course not right ? i have no idea for fashion lo.... but for me comfortable is very thing , for what wearing a cloth that not comfortable and can be easily see the inside .

i think i really got allot of time to waste lo, because of that i aways think other thing .

i feel like going to work , at least can by past my time ans earn some pocket money rather than wasting time on the never end relationship problem . some time when i feel down i do feel want go to buy allot allot of cloth but no money to do that , so what can i do is get into the car and drive as fast as i can during speeding i got no time to think other thing , just focus on the road and car . got once i also bang a motorbike than crossing the red light , what the hell if i really never press the break , i cant imaging what will happen to the fellow and me as well.

i think speeding on the highway was a good relief for me , even though it is danger but i like the feeling the feeling of approaching dead and life . because if i bang into an accident i dont think will have second chance la . any way that one of the way i release stress. sound crazy right ?

i cant belief i really can study pilot course and really bring the heavy metal into the sky .

flying also 1 of the way i release stress , because flying time i am so busy with all the suis and button many thing have to check so my focus just on it no time for other thing d......

but some time when i am sad i do , do some stupid move fly the aircraft in very low attitude or bank the angle more than 45' even crazy i go chase the bird and take photo .

at first i wanted to go into the cloud and feel it but lucky i never do that because my inst say it can kill me any time if i enter it and cant come out from it

i love flying , it is stressful but i love it i feel the freedom no 1 will beside you keep scolding or corrected you this and that .

ALL IS ILLUSION

is time to make my self clear, what the hell i want .
i am tired for those fairlytail , all promise can forget it . all reason given was not acceptable i still remember she say separate is because parent stupid excuse , together back d mean now parent ok d...... what type of reason given for me it just not feeling good .


i am not that type of people that keep run away from the problem , she love clubbing go a head !!!!! but just dont call me go la .......... i dont like mean dont like no 1 can force me too .
always say need some time to think but , the time is just to wash out my memory and than skip the problem , wait it bust taht time only discuss .


what is her problem?????? i am very unhappy d........... i feel that she like fishing on the sea , if get the big fish d, than will throw the small fish as well .
feel so unsafe , waiting wont change the problem .


ready for the worst , she find other d? go a head , i am tired to open up the heart d because it been cut again and again the bleeding since wont stop................

for me now just got two choice .....................................

confuse =.= dont read it if you cant take it !!!!!!!!

not like she is so busy till cant even reply my mail , in facebook . i dont what the hell is happen ?

how come so can so fake , i am sure she check the mail as well but she choose to ignore it and act since never read it like that ...........

i do feel scare bout that , it is reply a mail take longer time to write 3 new blogs ?/??? i dont for her may be !!! every small thing really make me feel uncomfortable , thousand of sorry for me is useless because after sorry still is sorry the FXXX problem still be there never change .

i dont what she want ? did i bring shame to her it is? if that just tell me directly , not need to hide the problem under the carpet . sorry sorry sorry did it bring any changer ? not at all !!!!!

always after a sorry still is sorry , tired of think why why why any more .

i am use to it the feeling of unhappy d, because i hardly can find some thing that can cheer me up d....... because 1 thing not smooth i been stuck in the same problem for three month d, always face the same problem i belief that 3 month later the same problem will happen again .

because 1 day not solve it 1 day the problem also will be there , maybe today can avoid it but the next day or the next week the problem will come back again !!!!!!

tired of always checking of the inbox , holding the phone hope it ring and appear her name , just like i say this year many thing i hope it happen it never happen but the thing i dont want it happen keep on happen .

i dont think this type of relationship will last , because the only communication way is use text (word) sms , blog as well . so stupid , many misunderstanding does happen due to lack of communications . and this also is the bigger problem for now day people , they prefer wording chat rather voice chat . ya the technology is very high tech , you do can talk to some 1 1000 mile from you but do you know who staying beside you ? do you talking or say hi to them ?

my relationship is sick , i very sure for that , it is not healthy at all every thing also have to guess or cheat and hide. if hide and cheat is because want to make the other feel better ALL THIS IS BULLSHIT la.... the most important and basic TRUST also gone still talk what love ????

current feel lost , lack of love ,care, safety feel as well (@_@)

best friend cant be you future partner???

i have no idea for my current situation !!!! me and her for sure is above friendship long time ago , but in 2009 this year have a big changer to the relationship . many thing that not suppose to happen it happen the 1 i hope it happen never happen .





i dont mind if you love some 1 , you will choose to keep the love feeling to your self or will choose to share out the love to the partner !! after reading a book that talk bout relationship , there say guy thinking was so simple when they say want to eat mean eat sleep mean sleep make love mean make love . that is so simple , when guy want some thing they will ask for it but girl is different they always aspect guy know they mind as well . they want that thing girl will not say out but will do some silly movement to get the attention if it does work out than they will fell down on the spot and bring confuse the guy . because guy first will think it is he did some thing wrong ? or some thing happen he never realise

it is mean that feel happy as friend , than sure will unhappy when start relationship ?

not right ? but for long distance relationship do bring allot of unhappy thing to me, not only that i always feel left out and starting feel that we have communication problem d . thank for the technology today . we can speak to the other from thousand mile from you , but when face to face just even a word also hard to come out from the mouth . because taping word already become a part of the life of now day human d but they do forget the basic communication way by using mouth .


Well i just think that ur boyfriend cannot be ur best friend or vice versa!! as friendship is totally different than ur love!!!! i dont know the exact reason but this is what i believe!!













People who is afraid of defeat in love gets married to their best friend. Basicall marrying is final defeat.




current feel mood swing , but still will look forward for the MRS RIGHT

silent killer my self

nowadays everything looks so nice and smooth , just like last time but don't why my brain will keep recall back the unhappy moment , because now day my memory with her since stop at July for those sad memory , and pretty litter sweet memory d. i really feel lost and feel that both of us it is come from a different world 1 lo......

WHO am I ? i am just an ordinary restaurant owner son ,what make me so special that can accept the relationship from a well family only daughter ? I always ask my self who am I ? do i deserve to be love from her men???? i still can bring happiness to her men??my confident is losing day by day.because we mostly communicate on text that mean the word is been thinking and plan so it cant mean any thing !!! Actually till now i have no idea why she will choices me??
:( every time think back the separate time , my heart really sad and feel it bleeding inside feel hopeless because it come too sudden.

i will feel that is because some of the girl friend around me also facing this problem they feel like other guy d....but not sure that guy look them anot so they will hold the relationship till they establish the new relationship than they will start to release they hand let go every thing . that time is no point for begging together back , because the heart does not belong to you any more.

due ti that situation happen around me , i become afraid to giving the love and care d.... i afraid to invest more love d because i know the more i invest the more pain i will receive if break !!!
i have o confident to my own any more i feel just like she will leaving me any time only even throughout now she still very care bout me , but after 1 more year she enter college the more choice and more compared will form.

feel sad and down because i dont understand her any more . parent issue distance issue i already bored for those excuse as well because if she can fly over other state and stay there for some job why not me ? ya i feel happy for her , but not for the job, i do feel heart pain when hear she say she have to work till early morning and bite by those insect.

i hate my self, for my family other people see from the surface every thing was good and nice , rich and happy because i get what i want can study pilot and having this and that , but actually i am same as my sister both of us since we young already feel left out from parent , i rarely feel love in my family because both of them was so busy with they work . ans that create my personality because i feel inferiority that why i go study pilot , at least in the future i earn big money and some respect as well . the world is really sick d..... every 1 is crazy for the money and power i accept the world rule and i belief i can win this game .