mood down again

yesterday i was so happy , think wan to go to kl and celebrate birthday with her to recall some of the sweet memory inside her heart.

first i call my kl friend ask for place to stay , 2 i call my kl friend that study together to me wait for me to come back together on 17/11 midnight , than early the morning i go to school try to cancel my flight for 18/17 , and i even message some of her friend try to get into the plan to surprise her when every thing was done .

at first i want to forget bout the yesterday message , continue my plan but today morning the message from her is even hurt . i feel that is i open up my heart to her but she just use a knife stab on it . so hurt , i cant stop my tear is this morning . i feel so sad why every time also like that , she always say how miss how love me but always what she do is totally opposite what she say.

when she tell me she got many people date her , sound so proud and hurt as well . she say
(if i tell you no 1 date me you will believe ma???) for sure got people date me la........ that moment i was speechless dont what reaction i should give her d...... HAPPY ?? i should feel happy got people date her and she accept the treatment as well , i dont la...... she say she dont know the guy want date her . seriously i hate for those lame excuse , hurt the feeling just cut by knife by her own hand.

when i read that post that she when out with those guy , i do angry and pis because they do look like a couple . the most i unhappy is she make up time still have to take photo . dress till so beautiful go out with a normal friend . ya ............... on the spot , my mood was down feel so sad why she do those thing to me ? that day she even call me say she when out with him , what is inside her mind la???? what time of reaction she aspect me to give ??? another way round , i go out with a girl just both of us only movie dinner supper and take photo that show sweetness .

what if i really give up to holding this relationship d.... do her will feel sad ?

every time she will do those thing i dont like , i dont did she realise i not happy anot ?

this year is the year of tear , i never cry for so many time and i never cry for a girl as well .

but for 4 year relationship d.......... if i end this , i am sure no even can become friend d... is too awkward for me .

i dont what is happening , she got what stress ??? a girl that having every thing , shopping almost every day . she alwasy say want to be fair with me but all the promise is just promise never even come true . parent problem it is? ok i hope can end this soon .

her father will do this to me ??? i hope so atleast i feel better than live like a rat relationship???