happy birthday to my self

so fast come to my 20 year old d........... but this year is a hard year for me , allot of changer and allot of new thing happen to me .

all those unexpected thing happen to me , because of that i even forget how to laugh and smile d....... always moody and mood swing .

but now day , i try to release my self from H.................... d.................

i dont even dare to hope any more changer d, because hope always disappear the feeling just like stab by knife , so better dont dreaming and hoping any more i think i will be more happy .

i must always always remind my self , me and her are from tho different planet so it will have allot of thing is

i know that after a heavy rain , it will form a beautiful rainbow , but to see the beautiful i must go thought the" heavy rain " first . only that i can see the rainbow .

different , either i accept it happily of i run away is my choice.

it is i thinking too far and too complicated d..... i think so , because since that incident i afraid for every single small changer in the relationship , just a tiny changer also will make me think it is another strike is coming d...........

i think i am sick lo......... typing those stupid thing during birthday .............

WARNING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL THE CONTAIN INSIDE THE BLOG IT JUST MY OWN PROBLEM AND FEELING'

REMEMBER TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER

let's back to the begining part 2

i will keep finding the answer and problem ,
what she is thinking ?
the confident is not that strong like last time d,
last time our confident is build on the concrete base,
but now day it just like build on the sand ,
the confident since like will collapse any time.


any 1 can really tell me how and what to do ?
it is separate is the only best choice ?
i know i still i love with her ,
just many issue that happen recently,
make me afraid to every thing.

every time i wish to talk to her ,
spent time listen her problem ,
she will choose silent her self ,
or using tear to past it away ,
i am not a feeling less guy ,
i do feel her sad ,
but i more willing to borrow my ear for her at that moment,
even thought i cant help ,
at least i be the release stress way for her .

thank for the thing happen recently ,
i do change allot ,
i cant imagine ,
i really can sit on the sofa reading some relationship repair and spiritual book ,
and not sitting in front of the pc playing game .

to be continue ................................................................



dont be like me , please do care and love the 1 that still beside you dont make your self regret after

let's back to the begining ! part 1

i think i have to learn how to smile again !
because now day the thing happen to me make me cant breath and forget the basic happy emotion
thank for my stupid school KLIFA is a flying school ,
at first i should be graduate soon but because of this school i dont when can i graduate d.

this year really is the hardest year for me ,
study , relationship, life , financial problem,
all this really push me to the limit d,
now i am stuck in the relationship and study problem.

maybe last time i was over confident to my self ,
i think after my study i will get a job than manage to form a family ,
but now day all just can be my dream and hope,
last time dont even think she ask for separate with me,
that moment i am just like an angel that falling from the sky ,
all the hope and plan was gone ,
the life also lack of colour d.

after two month i still moody ,
is because i am still thinking why that time she will ask for break?
is because of what she do that ?
now physically we back to relationship,
but 1 day the problem still there 1 day i also wont feel happy,
it feel like putting a time bomb beside me,
since will explore any second .

so fast come to my first 80 EMO post d.......

i do feel tired , just now i look at the clock so fast today already 24 of Oct d...... it also mean 1 more week will be my birthday d...... at first birthday should be a very happy moment but sorry you will hardly find happiness on my post , just like i say so i think this year birthday will be the most memorable birthday because i think i will buy a piece of cake and put candle my self and blow it and sing birthday song alone !_!

sound sad ???? but for me i think hoping and the hope disappear that 1 really sound sad ,
the time of waiting the feeling of hoping miracle happen that is sad .

dont why taip till eye also full of tear d...... maybe too HAPPY d...... EMO king this name i think is quit suitable for me d........ because now my relationship just like a reflation on the water , look stable and real but it not as good as looking...........

actually i just a ordinary guy i do jealous those couple , from far you can feel they are couple . me singing happy birthday alone never mind ,but her birthday i dont think will birthday alone like me for sure got many ppl will celebrate with her and i just can wait her post those beautiful photo that without my face .

just feel sad and tearing so just wake up write down the current feeling


just like i always say just treat my blog is a long long love story , after read it, the next minute have to totally forget bout it d.......

i think i am crazy d.................

i got 10day holiday , starting a was think and plan to go a short trips with within kl . dream and hope always the another way from the realistic , but i do regret screw up the water park trip .

some time she will treat me very very is very good can really feel the care from her , but a minute later can totally disappear i feel like i at the peak of the mountain A PULL OR A PUSH it make a different for me .


i think the water park trip , for her sure unhappy and not enjoy bacause she is the type of people that go watch movie also will take picture and post on blog .


just wake up the brain start the moody mode d............................:(

i prepare d ????

after today i think i have to make up my mind d, walk together with a 1 that does trust you it really hard =.= , any thing happen i will always be the last 1 to know , every time she will promise this and that .

i dnt what really happpen in the relationship d, the way i been tolerent does make any changer , or can say it become worst. for her the mood feeling can up down up down few time within a day , i dont want be like that any more d........... if she dont feel comfortable to be with me i reather she stop it d........


the 1 you love , got thing also dont come to you but go to other people what do you feel ?
on the phone will always silent and say non thing happen but , in front of the pc than will shout out to every .

tell me why ?

yesterday night chat till like all problem is solve but , today receive the message is different feeling . i really dont what she want ?

she always say want make me happy but she is the 1 that always make me worry ,

when i try pujuk pujuk her than she will like dont border me,

than when i really angry d, very sad d,

than she sent message tell me dont unhappy and dont moody .

why she so not confident on me ? why she must always ask those silly question that i cant answer those future question actually what type of answer i give she also will think the other way round .

she ask me why ask some sensitive and serious question still can smile , actually that moment i almost cry out d, if i never laugh the moment for sure my tear will flow out like water fall d ......

but some time i choose to crying alone rather than told her make her worry and cant help any thing .

she ask me why i change till so tolerant her already , actually is a very simple answer because i do love her , but why she will still losing confident and keep come across my safety line again and again?

it is every day i emo emo emo like that only can receive the care and love ?

what do you want ?

seperate ? it is a the best solution =.= ? why both still loving each other want choose this way >

it is dont have other way ?
our relationship just like roller coaster up down up down , dont what to do already ,
if without me you will really feel better ?
sad to ask that , every time time i ask if mine leave can bring you happiness every time my heart also non stop bleeding.

actually the 1 no confident should me not you ,

now day you are talented and become model and pretty d,

but i still the1 that having study and waiting for pocket money ,

i really dont why you will say you no confident on your self ?

why we both keep unhappy

just because of distance ?

let's do some calculation here,

1 distance 300km away ,

2 parent ,

3 feeling,

4 friend influence ,

5 confident to my self .

just now she call delete a pic that in my fb , but i also got some picture i dont like did he going to remove it ? i think her answer is no , so i also just leave it there i dont what wrong with the pic ?
but i just feel no mood again , i go kl no place t stay and i think today will be moody day again ,
not thing is fair for this world , and every 1 is different from each other , this word i just receive from her recently but she is the 1 that say 1 do other .

just my own feeling ,
distance will end my life slowly

feel uncomfortable again

when see the picture 1 time i will mood down 1 time ,
jealous plus piss ,
really not happy ,
feel unsafe and the thing since out of my prediction and control any more .



when go out with her but if i sudden think that screen than i will feel mood down on the spot ,
going to build back my confident i dont want be the sticky glue any more d.......
trying to release slowly d............................. :( the tear that droping shoult end d...../

just want to share out feeling !!!!!

every couple during dating always very sweet ,

but why the sweetness will decrease day by day ,

it is got any solution to over come this ?,

yes i just find out 1,

the solution is care and love from each other ,

the love from her or his is cant replace by other 1,

if can easily replace it by other ,

i can tell you this relationship can end it d,

because not thing you can do d.

now day i feel very confusing ,

she say she care ,

she love ,

she mind .

but i know i very very love her ,

if a dont love i wont care bout her ,

if dont love i wont care bout her,

that why i mind ,

and i really worry she leave me behind again,

confident ah confident faster come back to me la........

dont be so stupid

更新: October 18, 2009 17:31
性愛派對照曝光英海軍女秘書恐洩密（倫敦18日綜合電）據英國媒體周六報道，英國海軍少將羅德的機要女秘書辛克萊（48歲）最愛參加性派對的艷照已曝光。
辛克萊掌握著包括英國核潛艇在內的諸多絕密情報。
相貌平平、身材臃腫、早已為人母的辛克萊私底下有一個不可告人的“愛好”，經常瞞著丈夫如饑似渴地參加各式“性愛派對”。
有一次，她居然和一群素不相識的男人在一家酒店包房鬼混。
她沒想到，在兩次參加性愛派對時，都被“性夥伴”偷偷拍了照。
日前，數張艷照在網上瘋狂流傳開來。她淚眼漣漣地承認。英國上下對此事為之嘩然，認為她的所作所為已經嚴重危及國家安全。
一位安全專家說：“辛克萊掌握著‘三叉戟’導彈的敏感細節。她很可能接觸到海軍少將的電子郵件、私人日記以及該部門所有工作人員的個人資料。這些細節將可能被恐怖分子用來策劃恐怖襲擊。”

hard feeling!!!!!!!!!!!

five month is better than five year,

dont understand what i talking bout,

let's me explain here,

yesterday i just receive a latest news from my mother ,

she told me my cousin going to married,

but my cousin just break with the boy friend ,

than now she have a new 1 ,

the guy is fat ,

no that special,

not that rich,

not ever have a fix income,

but he win the fight ,

FEEL SURPRISE !!!

5 month than married ,

every 1 should know why already,

is because "break the RED zone" already,

so luck the shot make the girl pennant d,

that why have a safe sex and family planning ,

is very important,

my cousin is pretty ,

but what a waste just married like that .

so guy dont think the reserve date of relationship is like the date reserve wine,

the longer ,the better ,

normally in relationship is another way round,

longer relationship ,the lesser sweetness,

imaging a weeding because a accident shot ,

i dont think it will be a happy healthy family,

since thing already happen ,

both of them have to take the responsible together .

this case it really give me a shock ,

if it happen to me ,

i think i wil kill by her and my parent as well ,

because it a life there ,

cant say just kill it like that .

now day actually what i want is ,

the care ,

the love ,

the believe,

and the support,

from her .

but hope is always beautiful,

and the realistic is always so cruel,

the most thing i dont like will happen ,

but the thing i always hope it happen ,

it will never never happen ,

so now i also not dare to hope any more .

those word is not bringing any benefit ,

so read it as a novel than,

forget about it ,

the future is in your hand .

dont know why ?

she take picture with me only her photo

the skill is gone ,

the smile is gone ,

the feel haven gone.

dont when i start till so sensitive ,

so easy get angry,

so easy mood swing,

so easy jealous,

so no cofident to my self.

in the end ,

do i dont trust her any more,

do i dont love her any more ,

do i dont miss her any more.

but IT NOT i know,

just got some thing that still inside my heart,

make me feel uncomfortable,

you ask me what is that ,

i can tell you non thing ,

because ever my self dont know.

afraid of telling true ,

i afraid to say out evey thing ,

till now i dont how to say d,

just keep in the heart .

what is the problem ?

what really happen on my self ?

what i so not confident on my self ?

so complicated to my mood ,

when with her i see her unhappy ,

my self will more unhappy,

i always say want her happy,

but i am the 1 make her cry and unhappy the most ,

when i see her happy with other guy ,

my eye will change red .

WATER PARK

not look like couple it is ???

i already forget how to smile d,

for her since everyday without me,

still going on i think maybe better ,

because when i think she went out alone with the fellow than ,

than i sudden mood down d....

hai ....... mood swing since that moment ,

i feel sorry for her ,

but aso thank for her ,

i really really change swing rapidly ,

hai i really worry that ,

she feel lonely than find some 1 near her ,

not confident any more to my self ,

last time i very confident ,

think untill the future that 15r after ,

but now for me 15min after i also not dare to think.

poping out feeling

ya i am very sensitive d........
now any thing happen i will think the bad site first
now i feel i am her is come from two different planet d!
at first we attract each other by that ,
but now the thing is decreasing,
now day i very fast angry ,
very fast moody ,
very fast will think when she will ask break ,
i really dont what can i do ,
i just feel not happy with current situation ,'
distance definitely is a problem ,
but now the biggest problem is ,
feeling and trusties,

i think my ending will same as sister la,

now i am feel so un safe ,

may be she know more people ,

may be she good in make up d,

maybe she really change d,

still dont understand ,if you love some 1 u will ask for break?

it is use to it d.... got some 1 to chat with ,

or use to it having some 1 will care bout ,

i hope i wont be like my sister friend case

she no more feeling with the guy

she still together with him

she say use to it lazy to change

still seaching for a new relationship when together

hai wasted 7 year than only ask for break

the break also not peachfuly break

is ................................................... than only break .

really have to go till that mem both so deep relationship than break ,

add 1 year relationship , just like add more floor ,

so by the time fall down will more hurt lo......

...................................... swing

now i at LCCT

today early morning have to rush to the air port , to do the ticket thing . finally have to spent more 700++ for the new ticket !!!! what a waste 700++ can buy a new phone d..... and eat many many thing d.....

how ever la, no more rushing for me , feel sorry for mummy la.... just now she because of my thing run like mad lo...... bored lo...... but can feel the love from mummy so much la...... really touching lo... mummy i love you o..... wait me be pilot then got many many free ticket waiting for you d...

ok have to cheer u d..... if not wasted mummy effort d......
now still left half and hour then boarding d...... hope this trip will have fun lo.....

next week go back kuantan few day than go kl few day than go back kuantan again hai boring to travel here and there d... damn tired lo.......




now my mood ok ok lo looking forward the trip

now i very no mood d...........

because my brother book my air ticket wrong d...... he type he name on the passenger box .....
fucking worry dont tommorow i can on board annot ????????

did she change d??

now i feel very very unsafe , not confident to my self not happy with my self , always worry this and that . i know just want to know what she thinking

i dont know her like she dont know me

i just want get some attention from her to me but in the end quarrel again , what is going on ???? a normal friend is more message than a girlfriend ??? online some important it is ???
when the hell is june that i meet last time ??

i regretting now let her be a part of my live , because it not suppose to be that way !!! it will make me and her suffer only why why why .

our start is not correct d.... wrong starting at first i should not so depend on her a day thousand sms from her shit la...... now day the sms is less and less because she is so BUSY what to do .
my own choice every day not beside her if she really love some 1 else what can 1 do ??? actually not thing i can do because if girl change they mind there will no way turn .

now day my confident can say is below bottom line d......... i not happy and confident on my self like last time any more because last time dont why i just feel safe and happy with her .actually not long time story just three month before only we still very sweet to each other , but after the 2 time she ask for break i knew that is different d..... got thing is no correct d, i dont what that but just feel the love from her change taste d..... i not that important any more , i am pretty sure she live without my care at all not sms no care for her i dont think she will have any problem .



current angry and hate my self so fucking useless and sticky
always taking cock fucking hate me

Nothing Gonna Change My Love For You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kybeq2dWBf8

even thought my love wont change , if the other change also finish d...............
now day i keep thinking what relationship we are ?
i just feel unstable and unsafe everyday also worry got new issue happen ,
because there will have thousand of reason to make u angry and ask for break,
and now just left litter confident only but can see the graft is going down rapidly ,
for those girl that already is people girl friend 1 will you think to go find the 1 u love when u having holiday ? not really need action but have you all think that before ? it is every time also the boyfriend come find you , the boyfriend only is a good boyfriend ?
FEELING this thing is very scary and also very funny because it can make up allot miracle thing happen just like those childish fairly tail................. in the end sure happy ending but real live is totally different from story lo........

hate and scare to be cheated !!!!!!!!!!

a says: cz no feel le lo y i ok not o? i ask de ler

a say :like...i dont really want to call him or talk to him? he do lil thing i will start to get annoyed?
a says: yeap hehe august broke liao lo hehe

a says: huh?@@ more close? is it? haha just say i dont have feel lo

a says: so dowan break maybe is distance problem..he said so.. but i said i wont love him anymore no matter wat n insisit lu hehe he wat aos cnt do ma

a says: is that i like other guy gua?

if a girl dont like u any more that is really not thing u can do any more , the only thing can do is release your hand let her go ...............

after drinking so many beer now headache d want to sleep d............

like...i dont really want to call him or talk to him? he do lil thing i will start to get annoyed?

give up d.............

give up d..... i really angry and piss off call her never pick up i dont what is going to happen but better prepare for the worst thing happen d........ how ever i also get thought this before what seperate only ma............... hai still told can go sweet sweet in this holiday with her but hai really dont how lo......... i want to find her but dont think she want to see me d la........ hai damn no mood any mood

just now i also dont what happen ?

just now june ask me some stupid question than i really dont what she want lo............. she ask me got a working guy if got a girl border and always disturb you and she is love you 1... so wound you interrupted anot i really no mood lo.......... because i always worry her get date with other guy more than she worry me la.... i really dont what to say lo, i answer her by asking her the same question then she angry lo..... so stupid lo..... dont what she want to know also damn piss off

can any tell me how to do ?

i hope go a short trip with her in this short holiday lo, because i don't think i have other longer time for doing this d,.......................... really really hope lo, now start collect money d, i wish go genting with her lo, because really miss that time school trip al of us go there have a vacation so nice and sweet lo......

what to do have to do study and the thing is i dont when can i finish my study every time fly also got weather than cancer

it is i too free ? always find to fan!

i have no idea what i plan to do ,
she withe yes 4 year so ,???
my sister friend 7year relationship ALSO break,
before break the girl know she wont married him ,
but she say she use to it got people care and fetch her d
so not going to change any thing ,
then a good timing come then they say break ,
they can say because of a small thing break,
now i look back my situation is slightly the same ,
just dont when the TIMING will come to me only ,
for her is just like a SHE team from a litter girl ,
transform to a litter women ,
i really childish lo, always think if i stay at kl ,
will thing o better >? no lo because i lost confident d.
ever my self i dont how to do ?
but now for me got a day more relationship ,
than i just continue a day more ,
i really scare any thing will happen again ,
ya i really love her , i belief that she like me too,
now the thing is i am 20 she is 19 !!!!
did she think bout married before ?
if say la we really married la but in how many year old?????
now already 4 year if i married at 25yr then it will be 9yr,
long run relationship , i want married at that time,
not mean she want too , so it may take the dating time longer ,
what is in my mind lo.....


just simply think and doing some calculation for the 5 year later >???????

the different between and friend and girl friend

for now even my self dont what is the status because thing happen too fast break and together back ! but i know there still got problem between us , distance and the most is the feeling changing from her. i know i am just different from other couple i have to act stupid because lie to the parent ! but i dont think they dont me as well always want hidiing here and there , just want to go a short trip i also dont how to plan , but if i not her boy friend may be i can go trip with her just kile normal working trip but i it cant hai i dont what i want and actually i am just a normal guy lo, not that special can stand few month only see her 1 time lo, but now even chat on the phone she like not thing to chat with me lo, i think she can life without me 1 lo...... not like me already make her become a part of my life hard to over come the stress and loneliness . for a normal friend she since more care bout me it is when change the relationship d than the feeling also will follow it change ?
some time i think my self ! it is we can walk thought all this ? i really no confident day by day d, because i know the field she study and working is messy and complicated but my 1 also not that normal always travel here and there stay here ans there hai.................... did her actually just feel use to it the realtionship so dont want have any changer of still in love with me ?
those day i get angry very fast and the emotional graft also move up and down rapidly i really dont want this type of life d , i want a normal life lo/.................. lie lie lie is become a part of the program to the parent d..........

down

unlucky trip part 2

after a night , sleeping in the car all of us was so tired especially driver , than because of the raining we have to close all window but is also lucky we at genting so it still cold , any way because too tired d so have to force my self to sleep lo...... after a GOOD night i really feel no mood and tired lo....early morning we been wake by the thick fog , there the temperature is low as 14'c but we make it already , so since morning having fog we cant go out the outdoor theme park play so we when to opposite theme park main door OLD TOWN drink a hot coffee to make the body feel warm , after a drink we go to public toilet to wash out our self but just brush teeth ans wash face only still wearing the same shirt lo......... any way la the fog moving d and the theme park open d as well so we also go buy ticket for outdoor than we start playing this and playing that then some game i and si hai not really want to play because is look gay lo...... example the Ferris wheel he he he damn gay lo........... but ok also la sitting there search for pretty girl , then after 2hr playing 2 incident happen d, arthur want play the superman then he keep pushing play together but that is scary and expensive so i reject him and call him play him self la, then he angry what the fuck???

after all the game we all going back to the car prepare go leave d.... then 3 incident happen the girlfriend say she is in rush to go klcc ? what the fuck klcc will move after 4 o'clock a? because at first our plan is send low go back kajang home then we can go what ever place together after that can go back johor d..... but they dont want they say they are rushing ok lo, we send them to ampang lo, since they want to but because we not familiarer with road so we been lost for 2 hour at first go low house just need 45min to 1 hour then his house go klcc is 1 hour then now all mess up d.... 4incident happen d..... after the toll we see a police petrol car beside at first we also dont border just over take it , then suddenly the police chase us ok lo.... we are not speeding so not thing can do on us ma, but shit si hai road tax is expired d..... so all of us just take out IC to the police every thing was going smooth the police also never say any thing then by the time they want to enter back they petrol car the police saw the road tax expired d..... that moment all of us really oh shit lo..... what to do malaysia trandional ma.... they just want kopi O money only

hai the most sui trip i ever been lo............................

the most unlucky trips !!!! :(

yesterday my friend invite me go a 1 day trip , since not thing to do at hostel so i also follow them ,at first all us feel very excited and really looking forward for the trip 1 a long the way we still got chat to each other than when we almost reach genting d.......... we become more high because we can see genting from far , then si hai become a racing driver during the up and down hill he was so confident to his car but lucky his skill can over come all the corner , then finally we reach the hill all of us was so tired ops.... i forget introduce the member that join this trip first got si hai , low, arthur and his girlfriend , me as well then .

ok continue back we reach there already midnight 1145 so that time all of us is so hope that can jump on the bed and have a good rest ok lo, we run to the reception to check in then the front desk girl ask us whether got booking an not because today all hotel full house oh!!!!!!!!! than we feel happy and glad because friend girlfriend booking for the hotel d..... i feel surprise that when we the front desk cant find our name oh shit the !1 incident happen d, the girlfriend book the room on 8 of Oct and today only 6 of Oct what the fuck !!!!!! then we ask weather still got room available expensive also never mind but shit la genting really don't want earn the room rent money from u because they all reserve many room for those gold and platinum card folder because win the gambler money is more more profit from rent room only .
THEN the best thing we decide is we all slept in the car, 5 people sleep in a proton svvi can u imaging ? oh that is really a good experince for me because i never try this in my life lo, but what to do tired have to sleep only lo, then we park our car at outside because is colder hai, then that time si hai say ok what the story never finish yet what because the sky also haven rain a..... if rain then really can complete the sui story d.......AFTER half and hour i feel got water drop on my face at first i told was mist so ok lo is normal ma at genting so high then a while more i reliase that was not is raining

what the fuck !!!!!!!!

today i suppose to fly at 2pm
than then call me to give my sortie to senior to fly i am ok with that but when i ask
weather i fly tomorrow then they say no sure cant promise first
what the hell i follow u plan give up the slot then u give back me say not sure
i start hating this school d...... fucked up even school i have enter really not happy with the school and the people there ........ afternoon i get scold from the CFI some more say those word that i dont understand !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! very angry a............ want to kill people d........................ not feeling to talk at this moment


mood very very unhappy

today my friend birthday

when he almost birthday , his girlfriend fly from sabah to johor just to visit him lo...... so nice and sweet and jealous him d la.... from sabah wor........... fly so far to visit him celebrate birthday with him, maybe is because of the girl is eldder than him 1 yr lo..... when see them both together also funny lo....... because the guy like afraid of the girlfriend lo.... but i also lazy to compare with other d....... in this world not 1 is the same lo..... so not nit to compare la....... just being back my self

mood quit ok sleepy prepare fpr tommorow flying

toDaY flying damm scary !!!!!!!!!!!!!

long time never fly so excited till forget bout the weather d.......

severe weather almost cover the airfield

the weather is coming in

1. 
   
   45degree bank
   
   
   
   
   today landing was so scary because i was fighting with the wind and racing with the severe cloud thank god i still a live lo........ if late 5 more minute than it will be very dangerous
   
   
   

flight cancer again !

no mood to talk much today , my flight Cancer again due to weather coming in hai........ i have no idea when i will finish my course , but it really test me patient lo...... because weather i cant blame any body because not they all no schedule my for flight is weather and weather weather i going to be crazy d..... now i want to spent my extra extra free time nicely at least do some thing that will benefit to my self or other as well . because for me if got extra time only i will start thinking what will really happen in the future bout this relationship ? now day yes i can feel she is trying to give up some time for me make me feel that really all back to normal d, but now what i worry is her parent dont like me date with their only 1 girl //////!!! and i feel uncomfortable to hide from them lo

i really afraid of loneliness

now day i feel the time walk very slow and unhappy lo, because the future is not clean at all , this year i just 20 she is 19 both also long way to go , the first big conflict was happen when she away from me and start working d.......... because study time there got too much time to meet up and also the community still very small .
it just like u friend and my friend both know each other , but when working time "no more the type of song sing " D............... for me is worst my job if i working international i will have bigger community around the world of course she also due to the movie make up artist jobs.....
i really cant have i clean image for my future because now our relationship will be stronger or less is really depend on this year d, after this year stable can maintain than is OK but if either 1 of the site cant stand sudden bust out the problem and the problem both cant solve than that time really sad lo...... scare to think d..... now i just try to enjoy every second of happiness i have d......

current mood hard to explain a bit scare and slightly lose confident to own self d..............


so dont worry be happy

si hai birthday party at TGI friday

tonight was the most relaxing night for me because i know June still in love with me , and tomorrow i fly solo , now i just hope the weather is clear and i really looking forward to my short holiday because this is a very important week can recovery the relationship or can kill the relationship is that d................ so i wish the holiday we will have time to meet up lo, every time hear she say go out watch movie but of course not me la..................


my mood now ok stable looking forward

today morning i have a bad dream !

i not really remember the dream d, but is about her lo....... i dream she hai............. i forget the dream d.... but i know was a bad dream that i don't want it come true lo...... because in the end of the dream i remember i got save it in my phone in case i forget 1 but too bad even that part also is a part of the dream. when i remember only i update it la...... but i think is about she going out with other guy alone 1 maybe i not sure because totally forget the dream d....

now i starting hate computer and phone !!!!!!

i really don't like the feeling to communicate with people with message d, i really feel i really lost the patient of waiting d............. now day i keep feeling bored stress and lonely hai really hate to stay at hostel alone lo, so just now i go to park to sit down and relaxing my mind , see other family parent bring children go the play around , that time only i feel actually happiness is that easy only just willing to spent some time to other than other will feel the care 1...... but now day i really unhappy lo, because distance and time make me feel uncomfortable hai..... bored bored bored tomorrow hope i get to fly lo...... i already long time never fly d.... i miss flying


mood damn swing

dont what is going on ?

just this month i got damn allot of thing to border me, i really tired to take care those thing d....... flying also got problem with instructor and relationship not clean and every staying at the hostel doing not thing ............ now the most killing part is i got too much time to let me think stupid thing , i really hope all can back to normal lo......... and i really hope i can graduate soon lo, stress stress no 1 will understand me ...............