just come back from flight EMO D.................

dont why i feel moody moody ? may be view blog . hai................... bored , wish now got some 1 give me a hug i think i will feel much better .

i feel i am so failure , because i been staying at johor for mre than 1 year d.......... but i dont even have some johor friend what the fuxx right ? not make sence at all............not only me , most of my schoolmate they al facing the same problem . it is must go clubbing ? than only can meet some friend ? i dont know ? but now day i willingto try it d........

since i am so fuxxxxx free , i think i will start plan for my vacation and clubbing life la...... i think is more easy to meet some 1 they rather than stay at home ......... i feel very lonely, can call me mr lonely d......... i dont get the different that having relationship or annot any more ?!!! because curentlly i feel is just the same, i still celebrate valentine ,birthday, christmas ,new year my self .
hai why people dating till so sweet even thought is distance but still so sweet but my 1 is like totally different lo.....


some time in my mind , i will keep thinking that did she hiding from me?? i dont know , i just know she is happy with what she are now ! for me i dont border any more d........ she say parent dont want her date fair enought , but now she "still" can say having relationship with me ........ mean that she always lie to the parent ??? the other way i will think , if she can easily hide and lie to parent why not me >>>???? who am i oh? an ordinary guy that spent the lesser time than normal friend !!!!



for yesterday she call me, after half and hour we since not thing to talk d...... than she say she feel tired want to sleep d, but i am sure after end call only she will on the pc and facebook till midnight ......... i dont know it is true ? but i guess so ............


the bigger for me not the parent is her mind , i dont what the fxxxx she is thinking ? current like not thing happen but for me it feel more scary than separate , because the feeling and the way she talk to me feel like not thing to say d... bored d... just like the third S.......... WAVE will strike me any moment soon.......


i am really losssssssssssssssss confident d....................... hiding , lie , igore , misunderstand ect thoose problem make me lost confident day by day ...............

.........................................

i never see her smile for quit some time d, she is busy with her shopping i am busy with the study . even have chance to meet up also hardly see her smile, like she together with her friend photo any more.


i do see that type of smile before , but that all is past time d........... now i wont do more then the limitation that i can do any more , i dont even want to try any more d........ i am tired of baning and rejected d......

i am lazy to think and ask why why why any more ?
just do what even thing that feel comfortable d...............
now day maybe i got too much free time , to let me think why ? but after this i am lazy to asking why d.... because i know the answer as well "DONT KNOW OR NOT THING"


for me after hear those ans , it will re burn the fire of my heart . not point that how much care and love been given there is meaningless d....... the feeling when wrong since july .
the feeling graft just like roller coaster 1 day good few day bad .

for me , i belief that when i start on the line working ,i will have more freedom . now just hope graduate as soon as possible, i am tired for the standby and waiting for pocket money d......
want buy some thing also hard , always skip this meal skip that meal for collect money . hai .......... damn jealous for those rich classmate , in they life i dont see they really understand the value on money . because the first car they having already more 100k d........


any way la, i want my future life is full of joy and having all those material item ............... maybe now i dont earn in my own so i dont feel the happiness of having some thing . the feeling and reaction for the thing that you love and you buy it on your own is totally different from people giving it , because usual the thing that get easily people wont APPRECIATE it .

that also is why i dont want to do much d........................... i have done my pary as well .
time and distance all those excuse i feel bored of it d........




current feeling fucxxxxxx tired and mood swing becasue after 3and the half hour flying

as usual ........... after quarrel non thing was change

so time i feel damn left out , because 2009 this year i think for me is almost blank . now i know why that day she calll me dont go find her , because they already plan for going club .................
any thing la non of my business as well . Joonee June wroteat 11:26pm on November 16th, 2009
yala.. cat sis wor..so show ur power tmr niteat LIBRARY..haha!!!!!!!


finish my study , than find job when that time get job i think i wont be so bored d.......... today this country tomorrow another country can meet all friend around the world . i dont care d......... what i had to say i d say , what i hope i also say d....... since nothing happen also i also dont care so much d...........


now what i hope is more realistic i want graduate on good performance and as soon as possible , that time i think i can get what i want d.......

sometime i hope she never become prettty , and change like now!

i think maybe she change pretty d , the mind also change d ...... because she does tell me got many people date her d... maybe because of that she dont really mind what happen to me d. i want to know what is happening ?

every time , we chat thought phone i also feel sad because in the conversation i feel the changing on her d.... i want to know what really happen d? i want to know why ?

on her last few post , she say
i hate myself for temporary ..
i will b back myself after my birthday ....
dun ask y..4 let me be whatever this week (good or bad ) dont care me
is a punishment for me , which always do thing without using brain
will let u know y i do tat later ....
dunno is that too late d...



but after her birthday , i call her ask her few time what is that . and it is got any thing want to tell me ??? hai my hope is gone again !!!!!!!!


she never say any thing bout that , just like what she always does NATO (no action talk only ) but her is best can erase it

why she can say break till so easy 1???

she always say she do love me ,care and want to be fair to me but .......... what she have done to me ??? she say she dont want post my photo together with her is afraid of the father knowing , than i ask her your parent so care and teaching you so well dont allow you to do this and that but why they allow you go clubbing ???

all is no make sense at all , they photo close with other guy can post but my 1 not even 1 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the feeling is i really no exist in the life like that , i bring shame to her it is ? i dont why so hard to to the small small thing to make me happy mem???? i really dont understand lo, now outside is raining just like what i doing now (!_!) . i cry is because i really fall in love to her the last time joo nee not the 1 i know latest , i feel so different where is my dear joo nee where is my be be ?

now listen the song name Lonely Christmas i cant stop my tear falling down any more .

i really feel i am very stupid , why i still in love with the 1 no in love with me any more ?????

what the hell now the next song playing name "sa gua" stupid guy why la, all so gam come together ? i dont know it is mean that call release my hand d..........

4 year realationship so what ? a girl want change 4 day can change d..............

i always hope her prove that she still in love with me lo? i dont want just listen only lo, she say send very love me now that later can ask for break 1 !!!!!!!!!!!!! i really dont know how to over come the feeling as well.........

i dont her father really got so many time to on facebook to check her update and photo anot ? if realy got i dont see ant thing happen to her also ? the clubbing photo wont be worst than the photo normal take with me mem????? parent parent parent i just feel she got many many thing hiding away from me ask her she will never never tell me i dont know why ?

i do tag some picture for her , i feel so upsad she remove the tag . that moment i really angry d. because she keep post photo with other just not me . what she mean ? want separate d it is starting to remove my thing from her d???????? !_!

why :(

i feel worry scare and uncomfortable, last night i cant sleep the whole night . i try to call her , i just would like to ask for a favour can she make some changer for me ? where is the love ? where is the love ? where is the love ? that last time she giving me ! why she take all those care and love , she always say she never change and always say she still in love with me . but why she use hurt to love me ?


it is tell the parent d , sure will have a big quarrel happen ? can she just do some thing to make me happy ? example can at least can post some my photo , call me chat chat , the most i hoping is she dare to ask the mother . but that is what i always say hoping for me is just hoping , it wont come to real .


i think this year my tear credit is almost finish d, always use middle of the night it is worth it ?
i always think that i leave her wont make any different , because i always no beside her , there got a Chinese idiom " close water balcony , will get the moon first " i mean those guy want date her at kl . i losing confident is may be she really silly , she cant feel the guy want date her that why she go out alone with him .


sometime i really feel want to ask the permission from the mother , because what she tell me i not very confident on it . of the mother say cant continue ok lo.......... since is like that i quit lo....... she git so MANY people DATE why still stick with me the 1 that always bring tons and tons of unhappiness to her ?


i just feel sad , when see those picture that last time we take , because the first day i come here i d stick all the sweet photo on the wall i hope those picture will give me so support to continue my study and over come the stress but now day those photo will make me feel more sad . because all is last last year photo !!!! why this year so BLANK ? but for her still very happening clubbing photo , beach photo , ext.

why after a incident , she can treat nothing happen . sudden treat me so good sudden can just throw me a side .

i dont what she want , can sudden treat me nice so care bout me . can so worry about me , but after a while she can leave me there alone .


i dont what she want , she will never tell me any thing bout the family even bout her . i so confuse what she want ????

separate ??? but together also she like change d?? i feel very hurt lo, i keep love her but if she never appreciate it ....... if this continue happen to me i think i will start giving up d...... :( tear is fulfilling d.................


i dont want to know any thing d......................

i am confuse what she want

yesterday she say will give me a call after every thing , i wait her call from 11 till 2 30 only she call me . that i also feel ok but when sh call me that time the voice is high and drunk feeling what the ............ and the conversation just last for 7 min i wait more than 3 hr she return me a blur and short conversation.

she got time to on the stupid laptop to post the f........ post but got not time to give me a call.i feel my self was so chep till can , be take and throw it any time .


i want to leave d.......... i want make my self clean , did she really still love me or just feel bored .
i am tired of doing stupid thing d....... sleep

mood down again

yesterday i was so happy , think wan to go to kl and celebrate birthday with her to recall some of the sweet memory inside her heart.

first i call my kl friend ask for place to stay , 2 i call my kl friend that study together to me wait for me to come back together on 17/11 midnight , than early the morning i go to school try to cancel my flight for 18/17 , and i even message some of her friend try to get into the plan to surprise her when every thing was done .

at first i want to forget bout the yesterday message , continue my plan but today morning the message from her is even hurt . i feel that is i open up my heart to her but she just use a knife stab on it . so hurt , i cant stop my tear is this morning . i feel so sad why every time also like that , she always say how miss how love me but always what she do is totally opposite what she say.

when she tell me she got many people date her , sound so proud and hurt as well . she say
(if i tell you no 1 date me you will believe ma???) for sure got people date me la........ that moment i was speechless dont what reaction i should give her d...... HAPPY ?? i should feel happy got people date her and she accept the treatment as well , i dont la...... she say she dont know the guy want date her . seriously i hate for those lame excuse , hurt the feeling just cut by knife by her own hand.

when i read that post that she when out with those guy , i do angry and pis because they do look like a couple . the most i unhappy is she make up time still have to take photo . dress till so beautiful go out with a normal friend . ya ............... on the spot , my mood was down feel so sad why she do those thing to me ? that day she even call me say she when out with him , what is inside her mind la???? what time of reaction she aspect me to give ??? another way round , i go out with a girl just both of us only movie dinner supper and take photo that show sweetness .

what if i really give up to holding this relationship d.... do her will feel sad ?

every time she will do those thing i dont like , i dont did she realise i not happy anot ?

this year is the year of tear , i never cry for so many time and i never cry for a girl as well .

but for 4 year relationship d.......... if i end this , i am sure no even can become friend d... is too awkward for me .

i dont what is happening , she got what stress ??? a girl that having every thing , shopping almost every day . she alwasy say want to be fair with me but all the promise is just promise never even come true . parent problem it is? ok i hope can end this soon .

her father will do this to me ??? i hope so atleast i feel better than live like a rat relationship???

HOT PANTS

now day , many girl start wearing the hot and short pants !!! because of the influence of those artist as lady ga ga , Britney Spears,Hilary Duff ,Jessica Simpson ext.

at first , Hot pants were very popular in the early 1970s. During this time the Philadelphia Phillies baseball team created a unit of usherettes called the Hot Pants .Matters are further complicated by the fact that "shorts" in American English can refer to underwear.

after packing and revolution the short pants become so common ,a underwear that can be wear as outerwear . i feel curious bout 1 thing ? did it feel comfortable ? since it so small and tight?

when people seeing on you that time what do you feel ? proud ? because i have a beautiful leg !!

due to the demanding of the market , the pant become shorter and shorter thinner and thinner just to show off that how sexy you are and how beautiful you leg hehehehe. but for those does not have a pair long beautiful leg HOW ??? dont worry because it is so common d... the designer already desigh for those short . after wearing it will look nice and taller .

does it really look sexy ? yes it does and slutting but i think this the aim for wearing it to show >>>>

just what i think only

now da

any 1 TELL ME WHY ??????

i deserve do be like that ? always just can communicate with text??



did she really so busy ?



did i bring shame to her ?



is that she really so far from me ?





i do feel sad when she lie or i just feel she lie to me !!!





we got too many misunderstanding d, because only way of communicate is texting , inside the text there is no tone , no feeling , no volume , at because of that many misunderstood had form.



now day , i feel left out maybe if i dont care bout her some much i may feel better , but my brain will just automatically think bout her this and that .

i just want to know that actually , do her still in love with me ?

if yes , why she will keep doing some thing that will hurt me as well !!????
actually i still cant figure it out why july she will ask for break
and two week later continue back ??? i do try to ask her why ? but what she telling me is very silly because of parent problem this type of excuse i dont should i believe it or not ? but if really because of that why now continue back??? did her parent ok for it d??? i dont think so !!!!!!

but in my mind , that time she may find some 1 else .after trying the new 1 feel cant make it . then she return to me !!! after that incident i do afraid of her d .......... because if the true is really like that !!! mean that she is totally change to some 1 that a dont know d...... what to do ? since she got so many GOOD FRIEND what , after study the cosmetic course , she slowly become a material girl d.....

we try to speak on the phone , that what she promise me will give me a call , but in the end i screw it up because 11 some thing only she tell me that she is on the way home , fine i wait but after that she say want take shower fine i wait ,finally 1 some thing in the midnight my phone ring , but it does not hold long just less than 6sec than she end the call .
i dont know la..... if you calling the 1 that you always say love miss care . did you will just call once and wait for 6sec only ????? since 8pm till 1am how long the time is 18000 sec that i wait is wasted . and this happen twist continually for two day .that why now i not really confident on her promise , maybe her promise on other will come true i dont know but for me definitely is a NO.

i dont what is happen to her family ??? because she will not share with till the day i dead i think . for outside people look is a well rich family i dont what think that can be a FLASH POINT to start the quarrel ?
but any way , for me i just think that her parent want her to date some 1 that same background with her as well !! i dont know ? and i will never know ?


sorry for those reading my blog , it will just bring unhappy rarely find happiness here , because i will start reading blog is because separate time i feel hard and not feeling good to share with friend so what i do is type what ever thing inside my mind just to make my self feel better . it is better than me go do some thing stupid will risk other and my life thank you for you support.

confuse

guess WHA?T

for sure yesterday she wear short pant or skirt and some top like that .

may be now day girl is use to wearing that all time . but does it mean the shortest the beautiful ?

hehehe of course not right ? i have no idea for fashion lo.... but for me comfortable is very thing , for what wearing a cloth that not comfortable and can be easily see the inside .

i think i really got allot of time to waste lo, because of that i aways think other thing .

i feel like going to work , at least can by past my time ans earn some pocket money rather than wasting time on the never end relationship problem . some time when i feel down i do feel want go to buy allot allot of cloth but no money to do that , so what can i do is get into the car and drive as fast as i can during speeding i got no time to think other thing , just focus on the road and car . got once i also bang a motorbike than crossing the red light , what the hell if i really never press the break , i cant imaging what will happen to the fellow and me as well.

i think speeding on the highway was a good relief for me , even though it is danger but i like the feeling the feeling of approaching dead and life . because if i bang into an accident i dont think will have second chance la . any way that one of the way i release stress. sound crazy right ?

i cant belief i really can study pilot course and really bring the heavy metal into the sky .

flying also 1 of the way i release stress , because flying time i am so busy with all the suis and button many thing have to check so my focus just on it no time for other thing d......

but some time when i am sad i do , do some stupid move fly the aircraft in very low attitude or bank the angle more than 45' even crazy i go chase the bird and take photo .

at first i wanted to go into the cloud and feel it but lucky i never do that because my inst say it can kill me any time if i enter it and cant come out from it

i love flying , it is stressful but i love it i feel the freedom no 1 will beside you keep scolding or corrected you this and that .

ALL IS ILLUSION

is time to make my self clear, what the hell i want .
i am tired for those fairlytail , all promise can forget it . all reason given was not acceptable i still remember she say separate is because parent stupid excuse , together back d mean now parent ok d...... what type of reason given for me it just not feeling good .


i am not that type of people that keep run away from the problem , she love clubbing go a head !!!!! but just dont call me go la .......... i dont like mean dont like no 1 can force me too .
always say need some time to think but , the time is just to wash out my memory and than skip the problem , wait it bust taht time only discuss .


what is her problem?????? i am very unhappy d........... i feel that she like fishing on the sea , if get the big fish d, than will throw the small fish as well .
feel so unsafe , waiting wont change the problem .


ready for the worst , she find other d? go a head , i am tired to open up the heart d because it been cut again and again the bleeding since wont stop................

for me now just got two choice .....................................

confuse =.= dont read it if you cant take it !!!!!!!!

not like she is so busy till cant even reply my mail , in facebook . i dont what the hell is happen ?

how come so can so fake , i am sure she check the mail as well but she choose to ignore it and act since never read it like that ...........

i do feel scare bout that , it is reply a mail take longer time to write 3 new blogs ?/??? i dont for her may be !!! every small thing really make me feel uncomfortable , thousand of sorry for me is useless because after sorry still is sorry the FXXX problem still be there never change .

i dont what she want ? did i bring shame to her it is? if that just tell me directly , not need to hide the problem under the carpet . sorry sorry sorry did it bring any changer ? not at all !!!!!

always after a sorry still is sorry , tired of think why why why any more .

i am use to it the feeling of unhappy d, because i hardly can find some thing that can cheer me up d....... because 1 thing not smooth i been stuck in the same problem for three month d, always face the same problem i belief that 3 month later the same problem will happen again .

because 1 day not solve it 1 day the problem also will be there , maybe today can avoid it but the next day or the next week the problem will come back again !!!!!!

tired of always checking of the inbox , holding the phone hope it ring and appear her name , just like i say this year many thing i hope it happen it never happen but the thing i dont want it happen keep on happen .

i dont think this type of relationship will last , because the only communication way is use text (word) sms , blog as well . so stupid , many misunderstanding does happen due to lack of communications . and this also is the bigger problem for now day people , they prefer wording chat rather voice chat . ya the technology is very high tech , you do can talk to some 1 1000 mile from you but do you know who staying beside you ? do you talking or say hi to them ?

my relationship is sick , i very sure for that , it is not healthy at all every thing also have to guess or cheat and hide. if hide and cheat is because want to make the other feel better ALL THIS IS BULLSHIT la.... the most important and basic TRUST also gone still talk what love ????

current feel lost , lack of love ,care, safety feel as well (@_@)

best friend cant be you future partner???

i have no idea for my current situation !!!! me and her for sure is above friendship long time ago , but in 2009 this year have a big changer to the relationship . many thing that not suppose to happen it happen the 1 i hope it happen never happen .





i dont mind if you love some 1 , you will choose to keep the love feeling to your self or will choose to share out the love to the partner !! after reading a book that talk bout relationship , there say guy thinking was so simple when they say want to eat mean eat sleep mean sleep make love mean make love . that is so simple , when guy want some thing they will ask for it but girl is different they always aspect guy know they mind as well . they want that thing girl will not say out but will do some silly movement to get the attention if it does work out than they will fell down on the spot and bring confuse the guy . because guy first will think it is he did some thing wrong ? or some thing happen he never realise

it is mean that feel happy as friend , than sure will unhappy when start relationship ?

not right ? but for long distance relationship do bring allot of unhappy thing to me, not only that i always feel left out and starting feel that we have communication problem d . thank for the technology today . we can speak to the other from thousand mile from you , but when face to face just even a word also hard to come out from the mouth . because taping word already become a part of the life of now day human d but they do forget the basic communication way by using mouth .


Well i just think that ur boyfriend cannot be ur best friend or vice versa!! as friendship is totally different than ur love!!!! i dont know the exact reason but this is what i believe!!













People who is afraid of defeat in love gets married to their best friend. Basicall marrying is final defeat.




current feel mood swing , but still will look forward for the MRS RIGHT

silent killer my self

nowadays everything looks so nice and smooth , just like last time but don't why my brain will keep recall back the unhappy moment , because now day my memory with her since stop at July for those sad memory , and pretty litter sweet memory d. i really feel lost and feel that both of us it is come from a different world 1 lo......

WHO am I ? i am just an ordinary restaurant owner son ,what make me so special that can accept the relationship from a well family only daughter ? I always ask my self who am I ? do i deserve to be love from her men???? i still can bring happiness to her men??my confident is losing day by day.because we mostly communicate on text that mean the word is been thinking and plan so it cant mean any thing !!! Actually till now i have no idea why she will choices me??
:( every time think back the separate time , my heart really sad and feel it bleeding inside feel hopeless because it come too sudden.

i will feel that is because some of the girl friend around me also facing this problem they feel like other guy d....but not sure that guy look them anot so they will hold the relationship till they establish the new relationship than they will start to release they hand let go every thing . that time is no point for begging together back , because the heart does not belong to you any more.

due ti that situation happen around me , i become afraid to giving the love and care d.... i afraid to invest more love d because i know the more i invest the more pain i will receive if break !!!
i have o confident to my own any more i feel just like she will leaving me any time only even throughout now she still very care bout me , but after 1 more year she enter college the more choice and more compared will form.

feel sad and down because i dont understand her any more . parent issue distance issue i already bored for those excuse as well because if she can fly over other state and stay there for some job why not me ? ya i feel happy for her , but not for the job, i do feel heart pain when hear she say she have to work till early morning and bite by those insect.

i hate my self, for my family other people see from the surface every thing was good and nice , rich and happy because i get what i want can study pilot and having this and that , but actually i am same as my sister both of us since we young already feel left out from parent , i rarely feel love in my family because both of them was so busy with they work . ans that create my personality because i feel inferiority that why i go study pilot , at least in the future i earn big money and some respect as well . the world is really sick d..... every 1 is crazy for the money and power i accept the world rule and i belief i can win this game .

tired to giving d..........

i cant see my future any more

i feel tired to giving d, i feel my effort is being very cheap d. the thing that get easily is wont be appreciate nicely . so i dont think i will fly over to celebrate the birthday as well , no point that been that be there and screw up the environment .did i do wrong ant thing that make her feel so unfortable ?? i have no idea ???

keep on tolerant and lower down my self is really not nice to feel ,

yes i do compare with other people but that is normal guy will do ,

for what reason i leave my sweet time blank ???

i think that i not that important on her heart only ,

just like she already use to it that having me with her ,

some time is really cant belief that girl mind can change so rapidly !!!

is even faster than the weather because it is unpredictable 1.

even now wont feel any thing changer ,

but inside the heart , there might having other plan d,

just waiting for the right timing only

she always tell me that ,

how sorry , how unfair to me ,

but after say those word than the same thing happen again ,

than what the point that saying sorry ????

guy will feel sad too, especially the 1 he love not confident on him and not 100% belief in him , because god create guy as the leader of the world , family and it men that guy should leading the wife to the better future as well , but if you not confident and belief the 1 you leading you , you think final they will reach their destination

of course NOT !!!!!! RIGHT ????

book say girl is very emotional animal ,

when they feel stress, they will choose some 1 to share all the thing than they will feel better d, is totally different from guy if guy stress he will hide him self and back to the comfortable zone as well example watch movie , playing pc game etc......

we have to understand , and accept this fact.

girl and boy is totally different 1..

dont think they will be the same lo,

but we also must have to know the way of living happily.

feel confuse because i losing the hope for doing all this any more ,

because i feel my self standing on the floating ice surface any thing go wrong i will drop into the water can die , i just want to know that my current position on her only .if i not happy with the result either change it or leave it d.

current feeling sad and afraid to saying out the truth

FACEBOOK ??????

i hate playing facebook d,

because see all the couple picture and the status ,

all put relationship with with (name ),

but my page dont even get reply message.

i feel that my present is just annoying ,

and bring shame to her only ,

got allot of secret is always keep under the carpet ,

really really feel my present is a disaster.

before every thunderstorm arrived,

normally the environment will show very stable ,

just like my current feeling ,

feel so non thing and stable ,

but when the storm strike me ,

i dont think i can take it .

just feel i am not important to her any more ,

got me or without me is no much different 1,

feeling sad when think back the sweet thing with her last time .

because all the memory just can be the history only ,

because it since wont happen again d.

what is happening between me and her ?

base on the picture what do you think ?

is a sunset or sunrise ?

yesterday night , my conversation with her is just take bout 53 not minute is second ,

can u imaging a couple that a day talk time just 53sec only ,

what will happen in the future i really cant imaging .

i can feel that , she since like not thing to talk with me ,

the love feeling is not there d,

not that sweet like last time d,

no muack , no sweet talk d,

the feeling really hurt when the 1 u love change so sudden ,

now i will just keep safe half of my energy,

and putting a guide line for my self d,

if the request over my guide line ,

i will choice to run away d .

smile like i say brighter future is always a head of you .