today stress lo... the biggest mistake i make today!

today i call my aunt call call to the school to complain bout my flying but , the school just give stupid reason to my aunt than after that i get scold from my parent , say it is my self make mistake s that people don't let me fly..... now i feel up set bout my flying and relationship d..... i very scare my study will effect m relationship lo....... now i really feel lonely and up set don't want keep complain d..... i am tired of doing that d................

my good if my brain can be like computer!?

memory this type of thing is very special lo..... not like program can delete it easily , now the hardest part of my life the memory is still fresh on my mind , not easy to take out now day don't why my self was so no confident lo, keep worry this and that really piss to my self when i become so sticky and so afraid of loneliness d..... maybe i got too much free time to think stupid thing d, always compare with other people why i want to my self so unhappy , so stupid to do that a............ going to find more thing to do to over come those free time.....

dont what is going on ?

now i don't what is going on ? every thing happen too fast d.... i still cant caught up and i really can take it if any thing happen again? i really don't but now very sure my self defend is on prepare for every thing , today i am not flying and tomorrow also i really tired of keep complaining d...... i really don't when only i can graduate lo.......... study stress is almost flooder me d...... don't how thing going on lo........ some time really feel stress and loneliness ..........

i think i sick d......

now every meal i also cant finish but today better d , at least i eat more than half but now keep feel want vomit ! dont what is going wrong in my body

yes i miss her but i dont want continue in the same problem than quarrel again and again !!!!!

i just feel hopeless and confuse because , i really dont what she plan to do ?
1 say parent no like me
2 than next time dont willl give what excuse d/..../
not going to solve problem than better i dont go and create more problem d.... keep make people unhappy i also will not happy 1 lo.....

mummy sick again!!!!!

hai already very fan d la..... mummy sick some more make me more worry bout her see also heart pain , now i really dont what june want ? call me dont tell mummy first ok i never tell but why cant tell ? any way la......... my mother know every thing d 1 i sure , some more now she fall to sick where got time for me la...... hai tommorow going back kuantan d, really worry bout her and i also feel very fan a........ now i really give up my mind d, dont want to think and hope can together keep hoping is not the correct way is time to let go d........... she wont feel happy with me d we got problem never solve 1 day problem there we wont join back and for her keep runing away from problem that mean that is no chance together d ........... going to sleep hope better tommorow

she message me ?

just now 7 some thing june message sudden ask me take dinner d ma? i feel weird lo........ i dont what is the relationship now and i also feel confuses why she do that she not say break mem? than should dont even want to see or hear from me d..... but i also got reply la because i know if i never reply her sure she will sad and i also will feel uncomfortable because making her worry ! starting i just reply like normal but after a while i sent her a message ask her what status we are than she never reply d.......... i think next time i also dont want to reply lo tired lo keep look at the phone d.......... she is still the same dont even feel want to solve the problem hai i also dont what she thinking lo..... want dont want 15 16 here and there . now i dont want to think this thing d ..... i have stand enough for this d........ go relationship with the 1 not confident and not belief on you....... is she still the same than i shoult very clean d............

THE FEELING of join my church brother wedding ?

by the time i reach there i saw a couple d.... they are so cute and sweet lo.... really admire them both of them are Christian so can see the different from them with other couple and of course today also is both christian married , i not say christian married sure no quarrel but if every time quarrel than they still got a guide book to follow it and that is bible . so any thing that bible say wrong mean wrong no more quarrel is needed how good is that , i really hope that can happen to me also ........

so let me show u all some picture i taken just now la

love this thing really dangerous !!!!

later i have to go to Swiss garden to attend church brother weeding they all couple already 8yr than finally go thought all the thing hardness together , now i have to pack my mind d, people wedding don't show Moody face la..... but the feeling is very complicated want to release but feel tak sampai hati .................... shit la my eye was red d........ lucky not 1 beside better faster go to take bath than can tear some during bath.....


mood totally complicated happy for them sad for my self

hope to be love rather than be hurt

today at kuantan lying on the same sofa but the feeling is so different , tomorrow going back d, than 09-10-2009 till 21-10-2009 long holiday dont where to go also all plan that plan previewly have to change to single trips have to leave d...... keep thinking also no use all thing is change d not like last time :(


mood no ok again gastric and tired

human is like that by the time u have the thing too easy u wont appreciate it but when the thing gone only miss the thing

appreciate is very important for me d.............. being too nice it will just make thing go worst so now onward i will just care those appreciate me as well , afraid being hurt some more d....... now thing that i cant control i not dare to try any more because bigger hope bigger disappointed only now just let it go naturally not going to lower my self any more that is not me , really scare to hear or think back those few word also feel scare and sad ....................


mood ok just gastric only

shit i cant even finish a small bowl of porridge

starting also feel full d

just now go out take lunch with mummy , morning the first thing she ask me why long time never see me bring her come back wor , my mood down on the spot lo just fu yan her than continue sleeping , than till 1230pm than she say lets go out for lunch ok lo since i here just company her lo...... but reach there than they say want take porridge i say ok lo... because i also don't have much appetite but when the food come i haven eat i start feel i am full d lo.....

then for sure this will happen again lo.........

same thing happen to me ! no appetite at all

just finish breaklunch with mummy , hai last night i sleep at the living hall because don't want wake up other so just sleep on sofa , just feel want to close the eye only than her face pop out because this sofa bring me allot of sweet memory but now think back also feel sad because last time meet her we have some emotional conflict there , hai what to do she say break will feel more happy to both than i just accept lo, i really long time never see her smile to me d, i really don't what thing border her till so serious by the way hope her can over come this soon la......... i hope i can too

now mood ok but a bit gastric

if time go back to 5yr backward la.......

i think still will be her d lo... if i not mi staked la..... at first we meet at belwin i really don't like this girl lo..... first she look LC lo..... every time also can go back early study half way than go back d.... but that time i also quit cham lo.... let four girls combine together bully me, but is nice to have the experience lo... at least not so bored ma....... now my mind really dont what to do lo.... want to give up or just rest d................. lucky aunty bring me out drink some beer if not sure more hard to feel sleepy lo.... now another thing boder me mummy get sick long time d..... not sure what sick hai................ want to focus on flying than aircraft break down what la.......... every thing i hope can done also cant finish 1......................



now moon worry sad sleepy

first time on bus never sleep at all !

just now when i going back kuantan , when i going up only don't how la why so sui 1 behind me is a couple keep taking loud and sweet talk that moment i really cant describe my anger d.... because normal i go up bus than will sleep d, but for today i don't even have chance to close my eye lo,first behind me the couple noisy lo...... than i cant stand the noisy i call them shut up lo... actually i am jealous of them lo... but i just call people keep quiet and silent then the second issue is the bus very rush uncomfortable but the most sad part for me is i really cant forget her , the sweet memory keep floating on my mind especially that time i travel with her i feel cold only she faster use her jacket cover me but she never cover and shake shake there ........... see her face i also feel sweet lo.... got people siak really nice and sweet lo.

can all start all over ? can i and her take it ?

can all start all over ? can i and her take it ? i really dont the hurt and love just make me down again and again now just feel sad lonely ................. the feeling is increases when i non thing to do sit down and think

missing till i cant standing d...... but i have to let go my hand

i am sad and really unhappy because of her what she bring to me is really hurt , because i really feel sad that she told me after 4yr we break because parent ? she really so guai so listed to the parent ? if that we shoult not start since the first day , it is must end like that ? really not thing can do d ? ya i really "happy " now i wish this past faster i cant stand any more d............. please

last time meet her ! miss but time will not backward

this pic is july and this is sept slightly different >? big different ok can feel got thing going to happen

i think i will be very handsome soon...............

just now when taking my lunch i eat i also feel stress , because i know i cant take it any more d, if i finish it i will vomit all so i just take few bite than i sit there and try to finish it but after half and hour i give up d. i really feel want to vomit d, is good also can loss some weight since i fat d..........

now feeling moon swing but trying to over come it soon

i think is time to break d, she say want break ok i accept it

today morning june message me say it is can message me ifshe wanted ? what that for ? i really dont ! yesterday i ask her more than 5 times u really want to break than she say yes than ok i accept it i know i will mood down for a while that why i going back home today but , when i go back home i dont hoe to face mummy because she will ask me this and that i really no mood to answer that i just worry that make her worry me

can a 4 year couple become friend back?

sound funny but sweet and bitter because 4yr what also did before d ....... what also go thought before d than sudden say be friend ? i think hard first she is the 1 that don't want to face the true and also afraid face the true scare me unhappy or what i don't but mostly time when she go to school i feel ok because study ma but why must sleep till so late than every day rush here and there 230 class also can rush morning so many time cant even text a word for me ? every time say busy ? i hope we break is really because of the parent issue if after a month i see a guy go into this relationship than i think i will totally disappointed and hurt but i also wont let the fellow so take every thing from her if he dare to do that for sure i wont let him go just that . what i thinking la, now my mind is full of hate d........ i am thinking try to make the thing back to normal but all become worst that my exspect i shoult been a play boy but i cant i cant pass my heart gate but now i scare i will find a girl look like herto replace please don't do this man . just hear also feel scary d................ no way
post when i very angry and sad

the result was so fucking clean just i dont want to accept it

v decided give each other 1week times to think it over... the time is here, n the day is here.... but i hav decided NOTHING!!! thats wat i had said.. it really prove tat i really uselessssssss...... Do u think tat if v really seperate now to release ourself... do u think v hav a better chance together next time???? i really dunnooooo....... i realy hate to use my brain 2 thinkssssssss nowaday.............



because of she keep giving the false hope to me than i really keep waiting and try to pujuk her this and that but i just get a conclusion that is if a girl don't like u any more don't wasting your time any more because what i did was just make her feel stress and bored and scare

just feel sad and disapointed to her

(my feelingssssssssssss..............
i think i will temporary stop posting al my photo 1st... firstly is coz i dun hav time 2 post it yet... but d main reason is my mood previously is damn damn damn bad.............................(!_!) i reall wanna hav a big cry n big shout... i feel very stress, coz of many many many of things beside of my study.... i think i really make u feel hurt after saying S......p.....r..... this word 2 u...... but i dunno wat should i do only i feel better... YA!!!! u r rite, wat u always say is rite... v r really slightly different from others couples... dunno no in wat way......... sometimes i oso thinking will u be more happier if u find some1 that can always accompany u anytime anywhere would u feel more happier?? will u feel more relax??? rather then choice some1 like me... i really think tat.......... did u feel stress with me??? i hate myself recently...... u told me tat u lost appetizer b coz of our relationship recently n ur flying stress; me too, i feel stress but i different from u; i really eat many many many to bump d stress......really dunno y...................... very very fan...................................................... i dun1 tat continue happen d................... )



i keep up make sure this time i really go for it d i hope this end faster

really all thing happen on my expectation

she never find me today , so funny oh some time really think it is worth it to go further d, i dont want to message her d, but i really hate my self lo, not even a day than i will feel lonelyness and try to message her but every time starting was normal but after that sure will gert hurt 1 can some 1 help help me a,,,,,,,,,,,,

another serious thinking !!!!!!!!!!

those that enter my room at jb sure will see my girlfriend face because i feel lonely that time i just look at the picture only than i feel i got the energy to go further but now day i look at the picture it just make me feel unhappy d, because she keep running from me can say is totally afraid of me d, you think this relationship still can carry on ? ya not thing is impossible but only 1 hand will never make a clap sound from the hand 1. see her unhappy and she always say she feel stress ? some time i really hard to imaging what thing make her stress ? her study ? 2.30 to 6.30pm 4hour per day how stress it will been ? maybe allot of homework that i don't know , or actually is very simple theory the love is gone because u love some 1 wont like that 1 lo..... running away see him like see ghost like that what is that la.........................

today nofying but still have to go to school report at8ma

hai very bored lo....... when only can i release from this stress la........ a dragging relationship is really not nice to play seriously especially when the problem become "snow ball effect" so if will be worst , so time think back also feel stupid quarrel for quarrel dating for dating really meaning less d the type lo relationship almost like a cup that drop to he floor don't care how well u glue it back also when u fill in with water it still leaking because the hole is there d , the only thing can do is change a new cup..........

today flying was so nice even get scold i also feel happy

today really learn allot how good if relationship also like that i dont when my will end but i think no going good because both thinking is different d now i feel dont how , she still want to continue or not >=? how it will going fine or just end it soon

feeling changing from her !?!!?

today i call june told her what i am thinking in my mind , first i ask her it is no feel with me d than she say no but i just feel she is different from last time last time she may not share all the problem with me but will say a bit a bit even thought i can't help but i just be a good listener but now day i think even that position i also no chance d......... i just feel she got some thing hiding from me but i dont what that i tired to fing out answer 1 by 1 d ................... ow i just looking foward what really will happen lo... hope is just my self think too much d

i realy feel stress and i feel my self really useless d lo.....

study i also like that scare this and that flying now i don't the school don't like me or what keep on never put me for flying , i really worry lo everyday wasting time at hostel i miss my home i want to go home or go find my Bebe at least i settle either 1 thing my self also will feel more light but now i can really feel the stress lo, from the family,flying , the most killing me is relationship part for that i really don't how or what to do because there is no solution or formula that can guide me lo.... i also dont when start onward i become so emotional d.............

today was totally different feeling !~!!!!~!!

today feel sure been very happy i told can forget her d 1..... but sorry lo..... no at all same thing happen yesterday when got couple pass by only my heart feel uncomfortable lo, the heart feel want to go travel with June but the brain just like the book say so it will automatic off the topic and run away from the topic because it will keep just make me feel unhappy for the trips i also don't want that because it will make m friend feel no mood first lo....... than not good lo, people travel so far come for fun but i screw it up than i also feel not nice lo..... why why why??? this happem to me oh.... i want b happpy a.................. where the hell is my smilly face like leave me long time d.......... miss her very much lo.....

yesterday i go hang around singapore but the feeling is total different !!!

i go here and there also see alot of couple hold hand hugging hang around here and there at first i feel very happy 1 but when a couple pass by m than my mood will totally down , some more now is the hard time for me because at this year may time i come singapore visit my sister that time even a message it cost RM1.00 but june still very sweet send me few message to remind me this and that , call me drink water la...... cover with blacket la.... u know the felling is very sweet lo... got some one so care but u but this time i come imagging just after four later month only the feeeling so unhappy not say unhappy la.... it just feel some thing was not right because the heart keep thinking of her but that day i ask her monday end ok ma... but just reply me not thursday men? sy truely my heart ws broken lo.... because the feeling told me that she dont have me also never mind d lo....... really dont feel love from her d T.T hai the feeling still can over come it lo.... because my life is use to it having her d..... i think is time d........

5thdays hai really bored of waiting i almost give up d!

just now i sent a message to her just to inform her that i go to Singapore ad also remind her i waiting for the answer than i say i wait u o monday but surprise me that sh reply me this (wait me Monday? 1 week not on Thursday..? be good nite o.. not too late sleeep.. wish u have a happy holiday at singapore... take care urself,kk..) can really feel the cold and the dont care feeling at there d , i think or relationship almost reach the bottom line d ......... is time to quit and also ready for the result d ........
(T.T) i think this stupid face will follow me for a while more

pitty my friend

just now my friend told me that he suspect that his girl friend having sex with other guy because yesterday she off the phone whole day and just like disappear d ............. than now i think back to my situation la, are me going to accept it if my gf having sex with other ? i strongly feel tell me that that is impossible for me i wont ever forget her and i also will beat guy lo, think is like that la because u know the feeling on belief is gone how together some more la, i think the body is already give to the guy la the rest of the promise also can throw into dustbin d because tho most important thing u also give d than what else u left d........

four days today was the worst lo....

4.28 only i get up from the bed , but lucky yesterday have a very good chat with sister lo she told me she face this situation before yes that time is really hard time for her because she never aspect that the boy friend will jut let her go just like that , she told me that the boy friend is that type of wont let go so easily 1 but after she pray god really do some thing . tomorrow i will going to Singapore d hope this trip can help me cola down my mind and also my spirit lo... my case i still haven tell daddy mummy i know mummy always say don't play play and don't let go her a she is good this and that but final i think they will stand behind me giving me the support lo...... if we really break up i also hope can be a very close friend lo, because 4yr time we know allot thing from each other lo, any way la now eating MEDICINE don't worry i mean TIME because it is the best medicine

just third days only i also feel want to stop it d !!!!!!

i really don't i call for a rest it is really useful for both of us but i hope it will bring some good news la because my appetite is less day by day if keep going like that sure sick 1 i really unhappy lo........ i don't where then she feel that an not or she just feel free without me hai i almost get crazy d always stay at home they think this and that hope time past faster lo............. :(

can u imagging till now haven eat really puasa lo.

i just read a book name MEN ARE LIKE WAFFLES WOMEN ARE LIKE SPAGHETTI hear the name also know is talk bout what the different of guy and girl actually it has allot of different during reading this how hope she can Reading this book together with me because after read this really can think thing from different angle , can also know each other better any this book also give allot example and all the example is really true lo..... the book say guy like waffles is box by box it mean guy thinking also is like that guy will solve 1 thing by another thing but girl can do all the thing together and the best part it say the thing guy most wanted is make love with the 1 he love than sleep to release stress but girl will want the another partner to spent time on her to hear what thing that make her feel stress . and in guy toilet maybe just got 10 items but girl toilet can have up to 350 items some even u look at it also not mean u know how to use it , i hope i and june can be strong untill the results come out

third days d hope it past faster i almost cant stand d

just now i when to the school check for flying anot than i hear a very unhappy result my instructor this weekend off till Tuesday only will come back for flying hai the moon already down than my dear message me say (just remind u to take lunch o;... if not later gastric again... u no need to reply la...) the feeling i can tell u is really complicated first i very happy got her so care bout me and now i really gastric d because till now even a bread i also never take i really no appetite at all flying now day make feel very stress d than relationship problem coming in so more i really hope this will end soon and june also can have a rest time without me disturbing he life now i still waiting for the result and answer for her if she think can still together with me than i willing to carry on but make sure she really think wisely d only make this decision , because every time quarrel the same thing i really cant take it and i willing to solve the problem rather than run away from the problem than keep the problem there . for me if i really do that it just like i putting a timer boom beside me and and by the time if bust than for sure will 100times hurt than now lo.....

if june drunk i think same thing will happen

i really worry bout her when she go clubbing for me is ok go there but must let me know the status lo if not any thing happen also dont how to find her i will very worry lo

second days for rest today i stilll got replay her

hai i really cant o it that dont want to replay her message i cant do it lo but some time i think my self la i thin she can do it if she dont want to reply she really can dont want reply lo, for me i still will feel uncomfortable if i never reply i scare she will worry me till do wrong thing because lack of focusing but i really dont what i want now , the heart keep missing her but the brain keep saying come mon give her some time to think it is have to continue or not??? because is really true for me now both of us really cant see our future clearly just can imaging and guess what will happen it te future ?
for me if we break d for sure both of us will feel very sad but this sadness maybe just stay few month if she choice to continue together with me are she going to change? if she going to change is ok for me but if she just want i change only than i dont think the reltionship can go long may be i can keep tollerent her but i the thing i worry is if 1 day i cant stand d i burst out my feeling than i think wil more hurt her .
what i hope was she sit down besite me and discuss the problem serious not i talking to the wall like that ask and answer my own .

the feeling after sent the message/ fist day without each other

today can say was the first day that we go for the break still got 21days more to go , for me the feeling is like got so thing want to do but cant do feel rally uncomfortable , but if do this than can make ours relationship better than i willing to do that lo.... i dont want later my birthday present is the last present that i can receive from her as break out present . that day i think i will feel more hurt and more hard to recovery , i think can blog should be the most bored and negative blog lo..... all also think negative 1 for those read this please dont be like me so use less be tough and strong

a week or a month comiment to make both of us can think wisely

today 16-09-2009 till 09-10-2009 i try to make both of us can have a rest for the mind and spirit can have a good rest of cause this also make my self feel very uncomfortable ! because since we already 4 year and both of us still young what age we have to married d for me is 25 than that time she is 24 are she going to married me ????? i really dont and i feel that she not confident on me like last time d....... because can feel the cold feeling from her the feeling is just snap by the knife again and again of course i hope june can walk with me stand with me always behind me giving me the support but not every thing is going like my expertation !!! it really hurt me i hope we can go thought this i think this will be the most hard 22days for me can talk to the 1 u love can know how it she this an that really feel up set , i dont wht thing happen to us for sure i know not because parent her parent know me and i belief that they all know my realationship with june as well so the most problem i think is the heart is changing d the love is tasteless d

just aftersent her home

i dont why weather she is use to it use sms to comunicate with me or she dont dare to say infront of me? just after she at home she message me this(be but u dont feel my feeling like change d abit dmeh since that day i ay seperate i feel i lke cold lo, not like last time d feeling like that lo..) can u imagging u just have a talk in front of her she just silent all the way but reach home using sms to tell u ?? i think this is very unhealthy relationship lo..... no comunication at all some time i can feel that the care but the care is most like a close friend not like couple . now my feeling is really hard to express lo heart is still loving her but every thing she do is just will make me uncomfortable i can feel the stress strongly why any 1 can tell me why she will change till this , a girl that told know every thing maybe knw bu still continue the same path wht the point that u know the to find out the problem but u leave it the ? u think the problem will solve it self? no right but i will try to over come all this hope i can do it

she want to continue !!!!!???

yesterday i ask her it is end d.?? than she tell me want to continue !! but when she say that say truely i have a bit happy but also alot of worry because her face told me that she is not happy and the feeling to me is tottaly change d........ because last month not even LAST TIME she still will use mouth to talk with me but tonight she is totally cold to me even i keep start i new topic she also continue ignore only the most hurt part is kissing part i kiss her so many time i know yesterday was different can feel that she not like it and feel want to aivoid it and run away from me?????????????????? she always say that she is the problem yes some time i think that also but what can i do since she say she is the problem d, but the most sad part is the feeling change tooo fast d, july still happy go here and there but sept change to cold war all the time and she keep say unfair to me this and that but she never think on my angle lo, you say taht to me what really i can help ? u say all is your problem ? then you choice to continue ? but continue the unhappy felling and can feel it the love from her is less and less just can feeel that she want to end this asap that alll i want to share out if not i think i will get crazy

sad confuse

just during meet her i ask her it is got any thng happen d.... than like usual she reply me o ..... and silent ll the way , than i ask her it is want to seperate d??? than she say dont ??? wht is dont ??? yes mean yes no mean no la?? than i also silent and ask her it is got problem with me ? why keep runing away from me the feeling i tell u is worst than cut by knife , because the 1 u love keep hiding and running away from u than she cry d.... i dont wht does it mean cry??? mean tired of explaine or really sad ?? than i go buy ice cream to her just to make the situation better but after the ice cream she remain silent i cant stnd any more i say if really want seperate than just tell me or can we try walk thought alll this thing together but she refuses to answer me ...... that make me really unhappy and sad ! acctually what i want was just hear she say (can we walk thought all this together ) but till the end i also cant hear it just hear she say need time to think
for me i tink that is no different if given her time to think because i know that she will run away from the question again hope i can walk thought this toughtly

do i push to the limit ?

just now my friend told me that she went back kuantan d never find u mem.???????? u know the felling ???? othe people tell u u girl friend come back d...... at first i feel really happy because today may meet out snce so long never meet d but untill aftrnoon d i ask her where are she then she just ever reply and ignore all themessage lasty i cant stand d i say outi knoe she at kuantan d but u know wht sh say (please give me some time to cool down ) ???? wht that it mean for ??? than i wait and let her cool down but still no mesage come i cant take itany more i goto her home o look for her dicrecty she also very smart never apperear any thing happen d in front of the parent .

july still not so busy

a month before stillsweet le......... but dotn next month will even have chance to hear her voice ma so please be serious in the relationship

time can kill couple easily o

seperate

12-09-2009 today was the first time i cry for a relationship , i cant belief that i really do that cry for girl ?????? but it really hurt when she say this is fucking hurt me to the max (ya....... i still love you.. but i choose to leave.. my feeling totaly just like hurt by knife but choose to pain now than pain next time ) but this relationship already stand for 4yr so what 4yr can break ant time so dont take every thing easy