i just let my self and my family down today

T.T today flight test i cant even go in the aircraft !!! feel super no mood and sad , first time dropping tear in font of instructor !! but am i deserve this ? dont compare to the weak student than is my fault d !!! but after compare with those that pass the test i feel more sad . people can pass by without doing flight plan , but i do the flight plan but other people fly my flight !!!

what capt say is correct we are no taxi driver other bus driver , not only the gold bar on the shoulder but people life !!!! i feel suck after feel that !! after a while of the briefing my eye just become more and more red than tear flow out during sign the fail test document !!!

i dont want to blame any body any more !!! i promise i wont let my tear flow out for this any more !!!!! thinking future to be the airline pilot also afraid d.................. in emergency pilot are the 1 safe you or destroy your life .

so many thing happen today !!! first is i suppose to fly another aircraft after finish all the paper work than last minute change to another air craft !! every thing have to re do again . the reason cant fly the aircraft is company never paid . than is weather building up boss mood also building up hai......... T.T what happen to me ?


is time to read back all the text book d...................... because there is meaning less that how good i can fly the aircraft but i cant even start the aircraft !!! ........................... currently just feel shame of my self !!