3 month just pass like that

yesterday 330 am only i reach my hostel .and i write this on 5am.



during that moment i feel like dropping tear because feel so lonely so hope less so far away from home T.T . just finish cleaning the room that i left for 3 month and i plan to change room d,so i have to remove all the note and photo i use to paste on the wall during taking those photo out the tear just like rain falling from the sky thinking bout koh so unbelievable that now he plan to marry his girl friend d............. how good and sweet of that so good born in the well family background i feel happy to him can together with the 1 he love but dont know it is do cross red light d........ so have to paid for the fine.



i trying to relax my mind not to think start a new relationship that soon d............... phobia to stuck in a relationship d......... i use to playful in relationship so that why i think is time to paid d......... after stable 1 relationship too long i start feel tired to change want settle down so that why i contribute all free time on it but =.= also because of that now i have to use more time to wash off the bitter memory .

thinking that what is really happen to my life ???????? why all not according to my plan ??? i cant belief that i use to plan that married at age 25 thinking working hard for 4 yr that have house car and a memorable wedding . thinking if not married at that time dont when should i d..... because 8 yr d that time is too long for a relationship not safe for the partner d.



but God is so humour and kind to me never take my breath away but her . i still learning and undergo this lesson that time i pray say if not her please take away or keep it return when ready God move is so fast within a week the relationship finally come to the full stop d. i keep telling my self the better future is waiting for me i dont even dare to think so much d.......... i try to put all my concentration on my study it easy for me to forget other thing!!!!!!! but in the end what i get is delaying from flying and tons of stress from parent cause 2 air craft crash in my school and few when for service check . that moment i feel that breathing difficulty crying plus praying was the only way to keep me a life .



i promise my self what even thing happen i also wont try do silly thing to hurt my self , i know my parent will be more upset . for me to end the "game " is so easy what i have to do is fly higher and off the engine but i never do it i belief that still got mission to carry on . i am still waiting for the day come true but i hope the time pass faster and i had learn what i suppose to learn .

so lost so lonely so much unhappy thing meet together . droping droping droping . . . . . . . . . . . .

after this i think i will be stronger because i know it cant kill me .
it just make me stronger and build up the immune system